As we sat down he pulled out his phone. It allows him to send me text messages and to answer when I call with a crisis or a soccer achievement. More than that it doesn't do.
And as he held my iPhone 5 in his right hand and his Nokia 1.0 in his left (uncertain as to the specific model but it is the phone pictured above) he said, "Kas, this {lifting his right hand} just isn't necessary." I looked at him, batted my eyes {which has no effect on him at this point I'm afraid}, and attempted my rebuttal. He interrupted, "I'm just as productive and far more present." He then set both of our phones aside. We had 'real' conversation.
I've spent the past month clocking time on the phone ... it's ridiculous. Mind you, there are nights I attempt to be 'present' with friends while D Rose is playing {or was playing, too soon to discuss folks} so the usage is high. I've tried to leave the phone home while on dates, although requesting an 'out' phone call is difficult without a phone. I'm reading the Good Word in a book that can be held in my hands with pages I can turn. But the phone is used, a lot. And it's a distraction most of the time, an unnecessary distraction {is that redundant?}.
As Thanksgiving comes my mind often turns to Uncle, the one that isn't able to call and check in or argue with me about my politics. He lived on the other side of the country and our time together as I grew up was limited. But I remember, with clarity, the night we had right before I left on mission. He took me to sushi, we sat around the round table and he played his guitar. He didn't once answer his phone or even look at it. He was present. And though it seemed like nothing at the time, it means everything to me now. He saw me that night, saw my fears of leaving the 'ailing' parents and relationships that were perhaps something more than nothing. He saw my fears of not knowing enough about what I was going to do. He spoke of things that I needed to hear. Even now, the memory of his presence is tangible.
The parents, in their last month of time on the other side of the world, have lived without so much that we deem necessary on this side. They have seen a life that I have never experienced. They have given their all to the betterment of a people. As I've read of their experiences I've found a common thread, simplicity. Being where they are when they are there, listening to the voice that is speaking rather than preparing for the next question. Even more in this month, since the storm, their focus has been on the 'now' that they exist in and being grateful for it, for the air they are breathing, the water they are drinking, and the hope that energizes them for one more day. They are present.
CA was asking the other day as my emotions got away from me, turns out I cry all of the time, about Good Man. I attempted to change the subject to PacMan or Boss or sports {baha!} but after 13 years of me he knows how to avoid my avoidance tactics. He sent me a wrap up of the whole situation after I had used words, he does that because I don't write things down and my memory sucks. He used a lot of words, which is excellent, but the ones that matter now and to this subject are these, "{Good Man} heard you. You weren't fixing a problem together. You were not avoiding a problem together. He talked to you and you talked to him. You were enjoying life together for the time that you were together. You don't do that unless you are with me." He's right. I was there, in that, for a minute. And that's probably why I enjoyed it so much. It's probably why PacMan has been told to give me a minute to regroup, so that I can enjoy time with him and not be focused on 973 other things.
So, this week and as I venture into next month with goals of understanding a few things that the CAs brought up and finishing the 'changes' that were requested by the guy that has my book in his hands, I am going to put the phone/computer/distractions away. I'm going to focus on my family. I'm going to focus on my friends. I'm going to focus on the reason why my world is as great as it is. I'm going to be present in my conversations. I'm going to be grateful for the chance I have to put things aside and focus on the important things in my life. It seems simple, it seems like a goal given by a frustrated teacher to 17 year olds, it seems like something that the 78 year old grandmother asks her grandchildren that are sitting in her living room but not talking to her. But I'm not going to have her ask. I'm not going to frustrate CA with the 'tricks and information' that the phone brings. I'm going to be present and productive. Grateful and gracious to those I'm with when I'm with them. Because, as I sit here with Uncle fresh on my mind and on the brink of the parents return, all I can wish for is their undivided attention. Because, if I'm being frank (700 words later), I miss that attention and the peace that accompanies the undivided attention of someone that cares for you. I'm grateful for CA and our time together on the same side of the booth.
