My People

Lots of things happen in life. Cars break down or keep running. Shows get cancelled or renewed. Songs get discovered or forgotten. Laundry gets put away or piled neatly on the bed. Cancer gets beaten or maybe it doesn't. People stay or people go. Words get said or they don't. And it all just keeps going.

I was sitting on K's bed as the night turned to morning, using words I didn't realize I had. I said something and caught myself off guard as K and A just looked at me, smiling. I did not return their smiles but rather had a moment of frustration. They kept smiling. My frustration at myself grew and their smiles stayed the same, "Welcome to the party, we've known for a very long time!" one said as I sat perched on my knees ... both of their faces were full of ... well, it seemed to be relief, as if this secret they'd kept from me was finally out in the open and they didn't have to lie to me any longer. Mercy, I laughed so hard.

I was talking (but really he was listening to me be complete mess) to CA a few Sundays ago.  I didn't have to use a lot of words as over the years he's come to know what is behind each heavy sigh or sniffle. He knew a distraction would be best so a ridiculous and likely 98% false story was told.  As his audience listened and her eyes stopped watering he wrapped up the antics. And then, as only he could, he said, "Well dagnabit (not actually 'dagnabit' but tender eyes may be reading) Kasi Jean, at least the rumors can be put to rest that you can't love." I laughed so hard.

I was lying on A's bed being ridiculous.  "At least you cry pretty." I laughed so hard.

Bintz and Doc sat with me that hour, flanking my sides. I wanted to be anywhere but where I was but there I was. Doc distracted me with comments on Paul vs Saul. Bintz sided with me as every move was made. At one point she said something about a clean shaven face. I laughed so hard.

I called Buba as I sat in my car, trying to sort through it all.  I let it all out, all of it. He gets to know everything. And then when I was done, he swore for me.  I laughed so hard.

Boy and I talk about homemade mayonnaise. We did Whole30, we can basically do anything. No laughing folks, I'm serious (I say with a Coke in my hand ;) ).

And then reality hits. I take a minute and go stand outside, the Lake in my line of sight. Deep breaths, count to 17. I mentally make a list of the Hallmarks that should probably be written to every friend that's been where I am that I've rolled my eyes at and said without empathy, "Mercy, get over it. Adventure is right around the corner but you've got to get there!" Juanito Bandito's guns go off, rapping happens behind the curtain and little kiddos laughter makes it better. And before the night ends in my hands is a shirt and a card, I laughed so hard!

My people really are my favorite.