Happy

It's 1230 on Wednesday meeting.  My alarm is set for five hours and thirteen minutes from this exact moment.  I'm not tired, although I should be.  I'm happy.

I don't have millions of dollars in the bank. I don't have all of the answers {contrary to what I may tell you}.  Mercy, I can't complete a Rubik Cube on my own {yet}.  But what I do have I am grateful for and I realize, as I sit here in this exact moment, that is more than enough to bring great happiness.

My people are about the world doing good things.  Sometimes I ache for them to not be so vital to others and grand causes, I'd rather have them in my sight, in my kitchen, lounging on my couch, or driving around in Bleu with me. Then the girl who has plans and tasks of her own to change the world realizes they are exactly where they need to be.  And this is not the world of twenty years ago or ten years ago.  The parentals, halfway across the world, are leaving voicemails with a 'call back when you can' message with an understanding that I will call back without worrying about international calling charges or even time difference (the benefit of a Papa/Daughter Duo with odd sleeping habits).  I remember when 9-11 happened. As a freshman at USU, away from everyone I knew but Steve/Dave/Brit, I wanted to be sure all of my people of the time were okay.  So many busy signals.  I didn't have a cell phone so the land line, shared with five other roommates on that horrific day, was all we had.  Adam was in Ecuador.  I think it took him a day a half to get back to my email to tell me he was just fine down there.  Now, something happens, middle of the night or mid day, I send that text or make that call and within seconds or minutes safety is confirmed, likely due to the fact that my 'go to' humans know that I'm a bit of an Anxious Annie and if it takes any longer I'll start calling the cops.  I hear from my people, that is happy.

The last little while has found me in Vegas, Cancun, Chicago, and shortly in St. George and CA. It has been perfect.  Life is happy when you hear SpaceJam being played from across the lacrosse field in Vegas and the guys are killing the other team.  Life is happy hearing Uncle pray. Life is happy when sister brings BIL home for the very first time. Life is happy when your view is sand and a never ending ocean or snow and a never ending Lake.  Life is happy walking into 'my' theater and having it smell the exact same as it did the first time I walked in twenty years ago and having Richard look the exact same.  Life is happy when you make your third trip to the Taco place in 24 hours.  Life is happy when all that is on your todo list is sing with your Grams around the piano or talk to Gramps about Masonry or his childhood.  Life is happy when the countdown texts come through. Life is happy when you crawl beneath the covers with voices you've known for an eternity speaking softly above you. Life is happy curling up with my dog on the carpet in Grams' newly painted family room as Buba speaks math to himself. Life is happy hearing Gramps pray. Life is happy laying out on the roof or on the hammock or at the pool or at the beach.  Life is happy being 4x layered to only have a fire going and two blankets over you as you ask Grams to make her potato salad.  Life is happy listening to Buba and Grams discuss the world and its problems and solve them all.  Life is happy reading with Girlfriend and Cowboy as we crowd into one bed for the night {in spite of their kicking habits} because we don't want to leave one another.  Life is happy.

I live in a new ward.  I'm meeting some new people.  I certainly contemplated putting Kate on my GET TO KNOW YOU sheet rather than "Kasi, pronounced KayCee/KC/Kacey/Kasey" as I normally do.  Knowing that my parents would likely be meeting humans from this ward as they return in December and my relocation no longer seems to be happening I stuck with the standard. But to be clear, Kate makes much more sense and is much easier to pronounce than Kasi.  I've digressed, to be sure. A mingle post the block of meetings on Sunday led to a conversation, the kind I love {where two people discuss, give and take, learn ... not simply parallel talk}, with gorgeous eyes. It was simple and happy. Evening last I ventured to the Jazz game with four girls who I didn't know from Eve prior to getting out of my car for FHE.  I took lots of deep breaths and dove in head first.  I attempted the Papa/Sherrie method of simple kindness.  As it would turn out that leads to a simple evening of laughter and new friends, a simple happy. 

This morning the inbox was full and the phone began to ring before seven.  This is my job.  I contemplated getting ready and going into the office, to the corner with the window as I would need to relocate for the day.  But after the second call, ending at 704, I decided to stay in my pajamas and work from home.  I laughed with my guy in Ohio about the voices he was hearing in the background, not ESPN like last week but rather the political analyst out in DC.  My Grand Rapids friend attempted to keep me on the phone long enough to get my Chicago lisp to come out of me.  And I managed to close business, build a marketing plan, and quiet the frustrated partner in my day.  I smiled throughout it all and in the simplest of ways was happy, in my yoga pants.

Tonight I went to go see a slew of my dear friends in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.  It was a fluff show, no deep question lingering on your mind as you drive home.  It was darling.  And watching my friends perform was delightful.  They were happy, even sick and tired, they were enjoying themselves.  They were playing parts but I fell in love with each of them as my people a little bit more. It took me back to the days of 16 performances of Drowsy {I don't think I'm exaggerating that number but if I am its only by a few}.  Life was complicated at that time, I didn't know my up from my down and the comfort of familiar and loving faces in roles that didn't make you think brought my feet back to the ground somehow, if only for two hours.  It was simple, it was happy.

As I pulled up my street this evening, ignoring the clock and the almost-thirty-year-old-voice in my head telling me to rush inside and hop in bed, I looked up.  There are stars out there, so many beautiful stars.  I got out of Bleu and stood there, looking up.  My mind raced back to those nights in Chelan, driving up the canyon to the creepy house {seriously, someone was killed there ... or I just bought into that story} that somehow they had sister missionaries living in.  No matter the hour we drove up that windy road we slowed down, often stopping, to just look up and see the endless sky. It was simple and quiet, it was happy.

What I'm trying to say is I have a good life.  I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned in recent months as, without doubt, they have led me to remember just how good things are. The sun rises over the mountains are a different kind of beautiful than the sun rising over the ocean in Cancun.  The sun rising over the ocean in Cancun is a different kind of beautiful than the sun rising over Lake Michigan as I sit on my rock at Gramps' place.  But beautiful and breathtaking they each are.  My life may not look exactly like yours but each has happiness, not merely to be found but to be lived and relished.

And so now, as it approaches 200 this star filled night ... maybe one of my people called ... I say goodnight.  With a smile on my face as I am happy.  I hope you are happy too my friend.

****Yes ~ this is a sappy post but its where I am.  The next will likely be about Prop 8 or some other huge controversy so I thought I'd butter ya'll up****

A Life of Love

January in Utah was cold and smoggy ... and my attitude mirrored it.  Between the kidney situation, the anti-climatic-non-move-to-Vegas-but-rather-to-sister's house-to-Janny's house-to-Bunker's house-to-hospital (repeat several times), and the loss of a dear friend I felt just as cold and lost in a smog on the inside as I did on the outside.  And it wasn't just 'my life' that seemed to be cold and smoggy (I wasn't 'dark and twisty' folks, for those that actually understand my writing 100%, merely cold and smoggy), so many of my people were having a difficult time as well.  Vegas was mocking my decision with its 70 degrees and blue clear skies (not to mention the home cooked meals and adult supervision).  All I wanted to do was curl up with a good book and read, luckily that is what the doctor ordered.

As news came of Sherrie's passing (remember her?) my heart ached. My mind raced back to every chocolate-chip pancake and the conversations that were had over them.  We would sing at the top of our lungs in the Suburban, with Zachy and Sherrie taking the lead vocals, to every Spice Girls song on that CD. There were the moments each Wednesday night when she patiently, and with a heart full of love, listened as we fumbled through the awkward teenage years.  We laughed at ridiculous hours of the night as we played even more ridiculous games, we were never too silly for her. And then the moments of my 'adulthood' time with her, the unwavering faith in my decisions when I struggled to hold tight to them and the unconditional love that was felt so acutely.

You see world, everyone she met felt like this.  Although I know that I am loved by this sweet woman, confident in my status as the favorite melo-dramatic-teenageer who flitted in and out of that house on Canterbury ... we all are confident in that position, her favorite. Her love knows no bounds.  It knows patience for the stubborn and flighty, endurance for the wanderers, tenderness for the sensitive, stern for the smarty-pants, and hopeful for all.  Reading the words of hundreds, speaking with handfuls, and thinking back on all of the moments with her simply prove that she loves us all, with all of herself.  And as much as I adore being the 'favorite' in comparison to others (ie. favorite Granddaughter, favorite niece, favorite friend), I find greater solace in knowing that so many are her favorite.  She, quite literally, touches the lives of thousands of people for the better because of this gift to love, so sincerely, each individual.  I never feel like one of the 'young women' she had all of those years ago or one of her kid's friends. No, her love is tailored to each person, in that specific moment that she is with you.

She exemplifies Jesus Christ, for His love is perfectly unique for His siblings, like no other daughter of God to walk the earth that I have ever met. Her knowledge of Him and His Plan is unwavering, as no life could be lived so well without Him as a constant companion.  Clearly Sherrie is a favorite instrument of His as she lives so in tune and performs just as He would have her.

I think of Elder Oaks' words regarding conference talks, they are not meant to entertain but to reproach if necessary and inspire change for the better. All of this reflection on Sherrie's life can not merely be to sooth the aching heart but to inspire us to be as she is, lovingly and anxiously engaged in His Good cause. No unkind words spoken, no judgements handed out, a simple yet magnificent life of service and love lived. I do not doubt that she is whispering words of love to her children at this time, easing her husband's hurt heart ... allowing the world to grieve at this loss but hoping we all live a bit better tomorrow, loving and helping others along their way as we take this journey Home, and smiling as we do it.
  
As these thoughts fill my mind I see the sun of the first few days of February my heart finds peace.  Peace I pray that her blessed children can feel as life returns to a routine without her physical presence. Peace I plead that her husband can feel as he continues on in this journey without her wink from across the room.  Sherrie Lynn Adams Labrum will forever be in my heart, helping me to find the joy and love with every ounce of who I am.

Morning After

Some of you are having a rough morning and are convinced that the next four years will bring this Nation into the depths of despair and beyond repair.  Some of you are rejoicing as you feel we have, by a narrow margin, escaped the Tea Party extreme and a return to the social policies of the 1980s.  Facebook and Twitter have been lit up with your thoughts for the past few months and I've remained very quiet.  But I have something to say right now and I'd like you to go get a Coke or a glass of wine, clearing your head of any ties you may think I have to one party or another as you walk back from the fridge, freeing yourself of all of the ridiculous statements that have been made by your friends and mine on social media sites, and forgetting what your favorite news commentator repeated in ten different ways last night. 

Are you back? Great.  I'd like you to now, with that clear head of yours, watch this clip.  Please note that there is a bit of language, my apologies in advance to those of you with sensitive ears.  I promise however that there is more meat to the clip than just a curse word or two, so make your way through it.

I told you there was strong language.  Some of you may be rolling your eyes here but check the facts, as they are that folks, sadly enough.  But there is hope here {there is that H word that some of you would like to hang me for}.  Clearly there is energy in the generation I belong to, let us channel that energy now in a positive and productive manner.  I remember being in a meeting for the youth leadership when I was 15 years old in Lake Bluff.  We sat in the kitchen of my church building, because where else are you going to gather 12 teenagers and leaders on a Sunday afternoon?, and a prayer was offered.  "Help us Father to be productive and use our time wisely." I remember those words so clearly as I discussed them with my Papa all the way home.  Why was it important to be productive rather than to simply discuss everything over and over and over again? No plea was offered to the Heavens to help us argue our wants to the loudest decibel or stand so stubbornly with our mandate that no forward action could be taken.  No, we asked to be productive so that change would happen (there's that word change!).

Folks, we live in a Nation that depends on us for more than just a fanatic for three weeks at the end of October every four years.  We live in a Nation that depends on our 'tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime' (Dallin H. Oaks). I belong to a Church that requires this of its congregation.  And said congregation offers that 'much' because we have a belief in Who is asking it of us and a hope and trust in Him.  Our Nation, founded by men of God, requires the same dedication but I am afraid we, I speak mostly to my generation here but let this 'we' be applicable to all reading my words, don't give that.  We want results without being steady participants in the process. We simply get loud every four years. Have you been to a town council meeting?  Do you know who your major is? Is your town a city or a town?  What is the difference and does that effect you? Have you opened your local newspaper, not foxnews.com or cnn.com, but a newspaper that you can hold in your hands over breakfast so that you can contemplate the issues on your drive into the office or discuss them with your children as you drop them off at public school?  Have you written a letter of concern to your congressman?  Have you written a letter to the editor on an issue, ANY ISSUE!? Can you tell me who your congressman is and what his or her objectives are in office? Do you know when your school board meets? These are the people determining the path of the education of your children, you should be aware of who they are, don't you think? What is the goal of the Superintendent of your School District?  How has that budget been allocated? Have you read the Declaration of Independence?  Have you discussed, not argued based on the two minute news clip you watched late last night off of your news affiliate of choice, the issues of our day? Marriage equality, government spending, oil drilling, space exploration, funding for new drug research, legalization of marijuana, small business loans, the housing market, bank bailouts, our role in keeping other nation's oppressed populations safe, severance taxes, foreign relations? Do you know how long your congressman has been in office? Do you know who her greatest ally is in Washington? Do you know what committee your guy is on in the state, does he focus on finance or the social issues?  Who funded his campaign, was it you?  Was it a corporation that now owns him and thereby the vote that represents you?  Have you listened, not prepared your retort, but listened to what the other side may be saying?  If you have not, if you refuse to ... how can we expect those we send to Washington to?  

It is our duty now, the morning after, to stop raising red flags and causing a riot.  It is our duty, as citizens of what could be the 'Greatest Nation' on the earth, to behave like it is such.  To build bridges in our community between sides.  Community is built from neighbor to neighbor and town to town and we need community to become the America that is within us, that is this ideal so many think the 'opposing' side has taken away from them. There are sides so as to provide a balance, do not give up your ideals but do not expect the other side to give up their ideals. But come to the table ~ the large point here is the action of COMING TO THE TABLE ~ ready to discuss the far left and the far right and then come to the middle ground where compromise happens. I do not expect those in this readership who did not see their candidate win evening last to throw the white flag of submission into the air for the next four years and resign to a state of complaining that it is 'not their fault'.  No, you may not have voted for the 'winner' but you are most certainly still a citizen of this nation and it is your duty to remain active ... so that when January of 2016 rolls around (and it will roll around folks, let me be clear that POTUS is not the anti-Christ) you know the issues that surround your community and our nation.

We must be steady in our convictions and our patriotism.  The rights that we claim as our own were fought for and died for by men willing to be steady in their convictions for longer than two weeks and a 67 post argument on a Facebook status. They gave years of their lives, and many gave their lives, for these rights. It is our opportunity and duty to use them properly. Politicians, by definition of late night talk show hosts, are scummy men and women who can't be honest and refuse to do what is good for the common man but most of these men and women are attempting to live up to their civic duty, they need your steady voice and opinion to do so.  If you do not support their cause, tell them so and give them a sound reason.  If you do support their cause, actively support it.  Attend meetings, write letters, make phone calls.  Be active! Be a citizen! Be steady! We all have work to do, so get about doing it.

Some Thoughts

Some of you are just dying to get into my head! So let me share with you some thoughts I've had as of late.

* Shaving when you aren't kissing someone and the weather does not permit shorts is basically pointless
* My hair is still short
* I like things clean, very clean.  Living alone is the best way to achieve this.
* Having parents on the other side of the world presents a difficult moment when contemplating presents {did you catch what I did there?}
* My Pandora Radio rotates between Neil, James, and Tim ~ at least I'm predictable
* I heard Straight No Chaser in Target the other day ... friends having success!! YAHOO!! Hot friends having success!! DOUBLE YAHOO!!
* Bleu and I have been together for five years, she is mine. I have no plans on ending the relationship, she's steady, looks just fine, and paid for. I'd appreciate it if my siblings would stop bruising her bumper though.
* I am not Meredith Grey apparently.  I have parents that love one another, have never been abandoned, and I have absolutely no skills with a scalpel.
* When friends need to avoid the dark and twisty place I turn on Fringe {Pacey all grown up}. The problem with this is  I can't turn it off.  I get all involved in the life or non-life of Peter and the lies and crazy of Walter and another 41.5 minutes doesn't seem like too long but then I need another and before I know its 3 in the morning and I have a call to be on at 730.  At least I'm bright and shiny in my footie pajamas while indulging this desire ... yes, one that started as a distraction for friends is now my very own
*  I work at the House on the Hill on Wednesday nights.  I live for Wednesday nights, truly.
* Having my music interrupted by the voice of John makes me smile {esurance}
* Last night I had a dream that I was living with Adam in the new house and we were to dinner with a group of friends and John and Emily were at the next table over.  I got up to use the ladies room and Emily was getting up at the same time.  We became fast friends and upon our return to the main dining room Adam and John were talking.  We took a picture, exchanged numbers and then I woke up.  The thought of this dream will make me happy for weeks.
* I can do hard things and as it would turn out, they aren't really that difficult
* Midway is beautiful
* I'm not one to have her nails painted.  Toes, sure.  But my fingernails are just not something I pay attention to.  
* I would like to have my dog with me at all times.
* I was raised with a Papa who drove and a Grandpa who drove, I think this is why I judge couples in a not-so-kind-way when the woman is driving
* The family that was sitting in front of us in the Conf Center when the changes in the missionary age was announced was so entertaining ... Mom was crying, sons were texting Bishops for interviews, and the daughter {clearly a Daddy's girl} who had likely never spoken of a mission leaned over to Daddy to announce she was going in a year, Mom cried more
* The cream-puff-cake is a HIT {it's an actual cake folks}
* I am not a concert attender, my ears are far too sensitive
* I have to think before I leave for my Sunday Worship now as the suit coat I normally have is no longer accessible
* Away We Go still warms my heart
* I drive the Rover better than everyone
* Cowboy and Girlfriend still have me wrapped around their finger
* I will never name a child a U name, nope, never
* I will fall in love with any man for at least 3 min if he is wearing a grey cable knit sweater
* I need a bit more tact
* Could you see me working on an Egg Farm? Funny thing, I could.
* I call myself Kate when I speak to myself {which is often}. Thank you Gams.
* My kidney is FULLY functioning ... FULLY FUNCTIONING!
* The mere thought of my rock, at my Lake, with my Grandparents and Buba makes my heart warm.
* EQPs and I are not a good combination
* I have very few pants that fit.  Not because of a weight loss or gain but rather a non-butt that refuses to work in anything!
* If I had more patience for school I would go and get my MSW, then get my LCSW so that I could tell people how to fix their lives and they would listen.  Until that patience comes, I'll tell them and they won't listen.
* The pictures in my office are three years old, that is sad. One would think I'd just get new pictures.  Nope, I'm going to get a new office.
* I need to see Zuri
* The people I Gchat with are the people that I love the most
* I cannot make it to Canal Drive on Wednesday mornings in less than two trips back up to the house, today my neighbor witnessed and giggled at me
* I sing Guys and Dolls in the shower when I'm happy
* I sing Billy Joel when I'm contemplative
* Sister Lewis {my 82 year old trainer at the House on the Hill} is my hero
* Conversations with the Grandparents on speaker phone can help life make a bit more sense
* I'm a scarf girl
* Turns out, I really like my brother in law
* I would love him a lot more if he would father a child with my sister
* I love to cook
* Sundays are a bit scary right now
* Bunk usually knows best, I should listen and remember that more often
* My parents are Spiritual Rockstars ... fact
* I'm not nearly as dramatic as others
* I'm far more dramatic than some
* I type faster when I'm furious
* Can someone explain to me why people love their brakes in the canyons?
* Rach is leaving the Choco
* I'm still thrilled about Pete and Wendy being married, if only for the simple fact that it was there I met Janny and Rach ~ who I really can't imagine not having now.
* Uncle is the best, even far away
* I like to stand on furniture
* Candles are always lit in my house right now
* I haven't had AC or heat on in my house for almost two weeks ~ GREEN!
* People that bring me movies and food are my kind of people
* When I am sick I tend to get sad because I can't do anything, the best way to avoid this is to not get sick and the best way to do that? My kidney and I are sorting through that.
* I believe in adventure
* Walking in a coat, gloves, and scarf with the sun on my face is truly a slice of heaven
* My people are so incredibly talented, in so many different areas, but I think they excel in the area of Kasi
* The ocean sounds really good to me right now

Trying to Remember ... Trying to Be

The world has enough women who are tough; 
we need women who are tender. 

There are enough women who are coarse; 
we need women who are kind. 

There are enough women who are rude; 
we need women who are refined. 

We have enough women of fame and fortune; 
we need more women of faith. 

We have enough greed; we need more goodness. 

We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. 

We have enough popularity; we need more purity. 

~ Margaret D. Nadauld