Smiling Again

I almost lost it … almost. But logic set in and nerves were calmed. The reality of what could be was stated simply and plainly and by some miracle I heard. That’s what counts, not the stress induced radical decisions. I was forgiven, without thought or perhaps with thought but no vocalization of process ~ a skill I have yet to master. So I’m smiling, I’m excited for the New Year and the weeks to follow.

I’m smiling because the sun shone perfectly through my window this morning and onto the newest pictures of C&E and you understood why that made me have an extra bounce in my step as we made our way in.

I’m smiling because I can fall asleep knowing that the beautiful snow keeps falling and offers a new clean beginning to tomorrow.

I’m smiling because the chill in the air gives me the perfect excuse to change into comfy non-work clothes and snuggle up with a good book or favorite episode of Mer and know that in just a few minutes I’ll be seeing you do the same thing… this might be my favorite.

I’m smiling because as I tell State Farm agent about my little Saturn I am reminded that you were there to help me pick it out, stating it held many other fun things, not children. Will you be here to help me pick out a new non-child-holding car or will I have to make a few phone calls to get the okay?

I’m smiling because as I saw your sister the other day she reminded me of how funny we are and how we set the curve as to the ‘cool adult’ status with the kids and how if I hold the little guy he simply asks where you are. I’m never certain who is more excited to see you, him or me.

I’m smiling because it’s almost Christmas and our talks and visits now end with those sweet sentiments, memories, hopes and dreams …

I’m smiling because each time I get into the car I hear that ridiculous Christmas song you love so much.

I’m smiling because when I told you of the performance Mom has orchestrated for Christmas Eve you laughed and said, “Your Dad will love that.”

I'm smiling because I know on Christmas day the smile I see will mean more to me than the gifts that I hold.

I’m smiling because I am still here, you are still here, we all are still here.

Bottom line … things got sketchy for a minute, sorry about that … but I’m smiling now because of you.