Spitting and Sharing

Cowboy, Girlfriend, and I had a routine while we were together in that perfect land of Southern California. After a long school day, preschool can be rough!, we would hop into the truck, singing our made-up songs about our silly family, and end up at Laguna Beach.  I loved our habit for multiple reasons, not the least of which was the fact that it wore all of us out and made bedtime a bit easier.  We would play in the sand, roll up our pants and get chased by waves, throw the football around, and makeup stories about the passersby. Oftentimes I would let CA know that his job was the worst and invite him to join us, he usually did.  

One particular afternoon I was discussing the diggers we had seen earlier in the day with Cowboy while CA and Girlfriend were off discovering something.  Girlfriend had a bit of a crush on CA, as it was only natural for a 5 year old to think that the salt-and-peppery 28 year old was the cat's pajamas and he adored her so I let them have their moments as often as possible {positive male attention at a young age}.  I was discussing the color yellow or the hook on the digger when I looked up to see a look on CA's face that I didn't recognize, something had happened.  I looked to Girlfriend but she was walking away from both CA and I with an attitude in her strut.  CA made his way to me, his face unchanged.  He took a minute to distract Cowboy with something and then replayed what had happened.

He had brought a treat and given it to the kiddos.  He then asked Girlfriend for a bite.  She said no.  He asked again nicely and she once again refused.  He let it sit for a moment and then asked for a third time.  She then spit on him.  Yes, spit on him. She was five at the time, almost 12 year old Girlfriend is mortified every time this story comes up because she still has a bit of a crush on 'hot' CA, but she knew better than to spit on someone.  I was shocked.  I laughed a little bit but only because I had no idea how to appropriately respond.  I looked off to be sure the waves hadn't taken away Girlfriend, her tiny frame was standing with feet in the ocean, her itty-bitty body looked like it could have just been swallowed up the massive body of water she was wading in.  CA and I chatted for a moment about what to do, this is the phase of my life when I was learning that adults don't have all of the answers simply because they were the adults.  

I got up, leaving the guys to chat about diggers.  As I approached Girlfriend I saw her eyes, she was crying. She already knew she had done something she shouldn't have done.  With a quick look up to the heavens to Uncle for some help with his dramatic daughter, as disciplining this little one was my least favorite thing to do, I sat down a few feet away.  She took a minute to join me but once she sat down she cuddled in, we fit together pretty well.  The sun was going down on the other side of the water. I asked a few questions and ultimately the truth came out, she just didn't want to share with CA.  It didn't matter that he had shared with her.  It didn't matter that he had come to play with her at the beach.  It didn't matter that she saw him all of the time.  It didn't matter that he was cute.  It didn't matter that he was kind.  She just didn't want to share. And since she didn't have the words at 5 to convey that and why that was, she spit.

I get that.  Sharing is hard.  Sharing something that you have with someone is hard.  It's yours.  You are in charge of it.  You have control over it. Giving it to someone else leaves your hands empty.  

Over the years Girlfriend and I have had countless chats, normally its as we get ready for bed or she watches me curl my hair.  She shares more if we're not sitting at ice cream or talking on the phone, all eyes or ears on her. She shares feelings only if I ask the right questions and no one else is around. She'll give one word answers if she can.  If I make a face at those short responses she adds a smirky-smile or tries to distract me with a strand of hair that I missed. She'll talk about horses until she's blue in the face and she can tell me how Oliva, her BFF, feels about things.  But getting Girlfriend to talk about the 'good stuff' takes effort, patience, and the perfect situation.  

I get that.  Sometimes its just easier to spit in someone's face.  

But sharing is necessary and good.  Sharing your snacks with CA makes him smile.  Sharing your words with your favorite cousin makes her smile.  Sharing your life with someone who is trying to get to know you is, rumor has it, a great thing.  Girlfriend and I are learning.