Get that Girl a Coke

I sat across from CA at a Mexican place that, after I thought about it on my drive home, I've been to before. We were enjoying our water (it was not a Coke establishment and he realized after we had chosen this destination that he should probably have told me but he didn't and that's fine), chips and salsa (it was almost as good as Cucos), discussing life.  We're both excellent at life, truly.  We're not so excellent at communicating about it but we have managed for 7 years and still like each other well enough to keep communicating about it. At one point in our conversation, as I was thoroughly enjoying my soup, I eluded to a conversation we've had at least twice a year for the last five, "Being with someone is a choice." This time he did not nod his head in agreement and move us to the next topic.  This time he took an opposing view. "Really, is it a choice? I mean, you can just marry anyone and be okay? We're dealt cards ..." (He didn't say dealt cards but he said something like it and so there you have it ... he's not all circumstances and such though, this is the same CA who also says, at least yearly and more specifically over the very same salsa this day, how amazed he is when two people like each other enough to love each other enough to CHOOSE each other for the rest of time ... He has it figured out about as well as I do).  I ached a little bit for a Coke in that moment of confusion as I reached for my water.

A few days before another CA made a surprise visit to worship ... not a surprise that he was at worship but that he was there at that particular moment half-way through the second hour (I'm sorry, I know you are likely confused and will likely continue to be a bit lost but when I'm telling my nieces about life all of this will be enough to jog my memory and not enough that they won't have to ask me for details ... that's how I roll here folks).  I was happy to see him, truly.  But I had already decided that I wasn't going to be there for the third hour and so I made quick conversation with him.  He made a face, it's something we both do.  Then, somehow in less than the 29 seconds that I sat there with him before leaving, he brought up jobs and hating them and dream lives and a euphoric way of life and as I sat there I ached for a Coke a little bit because as it would turn out, I may not be built for that kind of euphoric life he is convinced is out there somewhere.

That same evening I was talking to Mom, and with everything on her plate right now, the woman decided it was time to tell me to 'stop sabotaging yourself' ... I hung up and called Buba (not because she was completely off base or out of line but simply because I was going to ignore her motherly/therapist words for a bit longer).  He didn't answer right away, so I made a few rescue (read avoidance) phone calls, and then Buba called back with the wife, who I now actually love a lot. I didn't end up hiring a hit man to take out Mom (parents are kind of important and, as it would turn out, I'd like both of mine to be around for a good long while still, please and thank you) as Buba talked me down from there with talk about the baby (it's public knowledge now, I think ... they are having a baby in August, piles of books already purchased for that little one). I had three Cokes that night though and still count two living parents.

Thursday, my third of four 4am mornings last week, I was in an accident before even making it to the MacArthur exit.  I'm fine. But I was not thrilled with the beginning of my day.  Then work blew up in several different time zones and made for some hectic hours.  Then CA met me at the park for an hour.  Initially when the plan was presented I thought it was brilliant ~ the weather was grand, the phone would be turned off, kids would be laughing on the swings ... but I was in a mood and he was in a mood, using his words to articulate his feelings, and really ...  all I wanted was a Coke and Ryan, the physical therapist back here in Salt Lake, to make me not hate the fact I was in a ridiculous, text induced (not me, my phone was sitting on the seat next to me being used as the device to play Murdoch as I tried to keep calm in traffic), car accident on the 405 ten hours earlier.  But we were in the sun ... the sun was good and the ducks that were being fed by the cute little humans were straight out of Hans' story it seemed. A Coke would have made it better though.

That evening was excellent! (I'm not all 'boo and hiss' today) And as I sat out on the patio of Connie and Ted's, I had a Coke (several) and enjoyed my company.

When news comes to me, the news that I can't quite wrap my head or heart around, I like to disappear to process.  So yesterday I went to Logan. I love that place.  I didn't need a Coke all the day long, nope.  There was a reality left back in Salt Lake and I lived soberly for the entire day. Logan is magical that way.  (Please understand, my 'family' there would have supported me getting a drink, they would have joined me in it ... but I was wrapped up in the littles playing basketball, the toe-head needing her hair redone, the pretty dresses and lace, the favorite conversation, and the mustaches ... I didn't think outside of that moment I was in as I lived it ... but now that I do, a Coke may have been good for me and Baby Kace as he woke from his nap, bring that blood sugar right up!!!)

I made it back to reality and before the 3rd hour of worship was halfway over, I ached for a Coke.  It came, Good Man is called such for a few reasons but after his pop-in with a cold 1 liter of the Real Thing (see what I did there?) no further explanation will ever be necessary. And then, in a perfect moment when stars and planets aligned, Good Man pointed out a funny commercial that was on as my Bulls lost their lead to the Heat (well, they had lost it by a lot at this point and that wasn't the perfect part of this story unless you are Boy or Carter or anyone loving Eric, D Wade, or that evil Lebron).  I took a drink as the commercial played.  Funny old ladies, sure.  But then, oh but then folks ... John's voice came on to preach esurance after the funny ladies. I had my Coke in hand and Krasinski's voice in my ears.  This happy moment brought to you in part by Good Man, in part by the good people at ABC who believe in advertising, in part by esurance, in part by John Pemberton, in part by the famous half of #krasinskiandkas, and I firmly believe in part by an Aunt on the other side who loved a classy man's soothing voice and her Coke as much as I do (thanks Aunt Em).  It was a necessary moment.

Because reality came back and hit me in the chest a bit later. And I'm handling it.  In spite of me saying so many time, 'It's a choice to be happy. It's a choice to be in love. It's a choice to happily work,' ... it's a choice but sometimes it's circumstance that puts us in a place where the choice is a bit harder to make or perhaps even not possible for 17 seconds or so (CA may be right in this moment but I'm not convinced I'll be saying that come dawn and a cold Coke).  So when the phone rang and Papa spoke about Fringe and House (who says he's lost memory?!? That man can tell me at any hour of the day the exact ending, middle, and beginning of any book he's ever read and any show he's ever watched! I should probably be his doctor as I'm pretty sure he's as healthy as a horse) I was fine for a minute.  But then, as single Utahians do, Potter went into a "what would you tell me as a dating coach" thing. And so that happened in the reverse and ... well, reality and such. Boy didn't make out quite as bad as I did I feel like.  But then the goodness of Dads was discussed and the necessity of if all and vulnerability was echoing in my ears and I had listened to this eternal perspective in 3rd hour and shed some tears because my eyes are attempting to acknowledge the emotions I attempt not to and so in the midst of being told how to be a better girl to date and family talk and temple talk and everything ... well, I wished I hadn't downed that Coke as quickly as I had this afternoon.

I'm Kasi/Kate/Magnum/Marsha/French/Kathryn J/Sunshine ... and I believe that the simple things (read a cold Coke) can make the world (read my life) a better place (read take the edge off a not so easy time to choose to be happy). Tomorrow is Monday. It's going to be 59 degrees and clear skies in Salt Lake.  That's not a bad way to start the week! I'll add a Coke to the day and it will all be just PEACHY!!