Grateful for Guys

This post is long overdue.  A while back, over a year ago, I made mention of the women in my life.  I knew at some point I would need to echo these sentiments for the men in my life but I tend to get wet eyes thinking of all of them and who wants that? But here we are, on the eve of Thanksgiving ... it's time.

I came to this earth with a full roster of amazing men standing ready. My first memory is next to Papa on my rocks watching the sun come up over the Lake, that is my happy place even still. I often sit and listen as friends describe their relationships with their fathers, stepfathers, brothers, grandfathers and other men in their family and think to myself, "You lucked out self!"  Yes, with the exception of Papa as he certainly is teetering on the line between simply patient and saint, the men in the family can be overly opinionated and intrusive and pushy and demanding and just on this side of absolutely ridiculous but I wouldn't trade them or their behavior for anything.  Because in the quiet moments or in the glances across the busy room or even the loud laughter filled conversations or singing matches across the piano, I see the motivation behind such behavior, unconditional love and support.  I have not once questioned my ability to conquer the world because not one of them has ever stopped believing in me, in spite of my behavior.  They stand as my advocates and my examples.  They have overcome everything this world could throw at them and remain constant to who they are and to what they know to be true. 

Recently I was in the car with 50 or so year old woman, single and beautiful.  She, with very little reluctance {a brassy old broad she is}, asked about my most recent failed relationship.  I laughed it off, likely not the reaction she was expecting but the only one I am able to give sometimes.  She did not mirror my blase attitude.  Rather she pulled the car over to the side of 13th and began to explain why I would likely never find someone ~ truly, she was gravely serious.  She began to list the divine and unique qualities of the men in my family and ended by saying, "Kasi, there may not be another Jeff {that's my Papa but you could also insert the rest of the family men here} out there for you." Instead of sobbing as my worst fear was vocalized I sat there with a genuine smile on my face and again thought, "You lucked out self, you lucked out." 

As the years continue on other guys came into my life.  Some to offer the truest form of friendship, some to steal my heart for a minute or two, some to see the person that I have yet to become and push me towards that end, some to be a constant source of laughter.  I can say, without reservation, that I have the best guys a gal could ever ask for.  Yes, it does make for an absolutely ridiculous standard for one man to meet ~ I recognize that.  But more than that, I recognize that these men have been and always will be with me.  As I look in their eyes or reflect on my time with them, I feel not only a love that is necessary but I see the person I hope to become.  

50.Brad Rule{hilarious}
49.Chad Hall{sincere}
48.Justin Lybbert{true}
47.Jon Wright{strong}
46.Ron Labrum{kind}
45.Rick Worthen{bold}
44.Brik Eyre{compassionate}
43.Bill Schupple{endearing}
42.Dan Sessions{accepting}
41.Paul Mogle{cheerful}
40.Nate Svetich{devout}
39.Roger Adams{hard working}
38.Jeff Froebe{genuine}
37.James Kohl{honest}
36.Wayne Bush{patient}
35.Kevin Ludlow{trusting}
34.Mark Baldridge{hopeful}
33.Work Men (x3){pleasant x3}
32.Robert Branham{determined}
31.Tyler Labrum{loyal}
30.Kenny Murray{student and friend, now teacher and brother}
29.Jon McBride{understanding}
28.Kacey Udy{zealous}
27.TJ Davis{capable}
26.David Canfield{adventurous}
25.Richard S. Hagopian{enthusiastic}
24.Joseph Costabile{motivated}
23.Mark K. Schiefelbine{original}
22.JR Haynie{steadfast}
21.Ted Davis{faithful}
20.Steve{joyful}
19.Bunk{my vacation}
18.Brandon{my brother}
17.Dave{my guide}
16.Jeff{my friend}
15.Ace{my hope}
14.Doc{my reminder}
13.Adam{my truth}
12.John{simply steady}
11.Joe{simply growing}
10.Jacob{simply here}
9.Grandpa{simply loving}
8.Uncle Joe{simply fun}
7.Uncle Matt{admire deeply}
6.Uncle Mike{miss desperately}
5.Uncle Max{need consistently}
4.Josh{my chosen friend}
3.Buba{my chosen friend}
2.Gramps{my laughter}
1.Papa{my heart}

You pick up the phone. You get on a plane and show up when you hear 'that voice'. You send flowers to make me laugh. You send emails to remind me that work is likely not really where I want to be. You winterize my home. You hold me when I cry. You keep me grounded. You let me be a part of your children's lives. You force me to talk about things that scare me. You are patient with me. You brush the snow off of my car. You marry the girl that I can get along with for the rest of time. You love my dog. You let me write it in a Hallmark card. You tell me to stop crying. You swear for me. You are impressed with my mad skills in the truck. You remind me of my dreams. You vocalize what I cannot. You stay up late with me. You lead me to the Lord. Thank you.

Planes and Plans

This morning as I drove south on the 15 I saw one of these headed out of the valley and wanted to be on it ...

I picked up the phone and called CA, bless his heart for picking up at the ridiculous hour. He reminded this girl that she doesn't really like flying.  Thanks!  Our conversation continued and he quickly noted the pitchy-antsy voice and he indulged me for a bit before giving a rousing lecture about leaving things undone ~ the latter has been noted and filed away.  I focus on the moments he let 'Kasi win', we started to make plans for our trip on a train across the vast lands of Eastern Europe {we have to get there on a plane but I'll drug myself to high heaven ~ pun fully intended} and it was to these plans I returned after the lecture.  The click-clack of the train against the rails, the country side, hours of conversation about nothing but our favorite literature, political notions {as I will be taking back my voice as of Jan 1 in regards to this, the year is up}, fancy foods and future trips ... sounds like my piece of heaven.  Let's go.

In other news, I don't want to be the one being looked back at ... I want to be the one of the few that are actually possessed, passionately enthralled in the intense now of life.  

"They looked back at me, remotely, possessed by intense life." 

~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

Les Voyages en train

This got my mind going last night ... and then, after a brief sleep encounter, again this morning.



Perhaps this is why my dream last night was in Paris, not that I've been to Paris but I'm certain that is where we were.  We were there with the crew and laughing hard, then we rode on magic carpets {that were intricate and soft} and finally returned to a warm fire and pumpkin steamers with more laughter ... I like where my subconscious state takes me.

Happiness is ... Asher, the Favorite

Happiness is …

… seeing the smile on a child’s face after their first performance on stage

… watching Julie and Christopher banter back and forth after 45 years and then watching the Sound of Music

… eating something out a pumpkin that I created that tasted FANTASTIC {toot toot}

… having Gramps and Grams sleeping in my house

… countdowns getting smaller and new reasons for countdowns

… watching my brother bring an audience to laughter’s tears as he performs

… knowing that Stark isn’t quite as perfect as I had initially thought

… having plans for May

… having a routine that is flexible but still my routine

… remembering the fun of riding in trucks with boys

… knowing Papa did well on his LSAT

… eating a chicken’s foot without gagging

… watching Ace stand of furniture for the fifth time {and most likely a sixth and seventh as well}

… Dracula at midnight and Maverick’s at two am and the company

… watching Jeff’s face as he was told he ‘got it’

… Baby Q clearly calling ‘Marsha’ from the kitchen and Porter being just as excited about it as I am

… seeing videos of Harli

… an empty inbox at the office

… singing voicemails

… the Mormon Bachelorette finding love with the boy I would have loved

… a perfect book

… a succinct and valid first Sunday testimony

... blind dates I set up being successful {successful being still in communication a week following date}

… flirtatious texts

… promised visits

… red toes with white polka-dots

… late night conversations

… WH getting ready for babies to come

… green lights from the 15 to San Francisco

 

… Asher.  Why?  Well, after two months of not seeing me he made my year …  I walked into the reception, the mood very much ‘wedding rush’.  I saw Brandon first, he gave me a quick hug but being wise knew who I was really looking for.  He pointed in the direction of Stace and the kiddos.  Asher, my favorite Ellison Man {I should have thought of this around the fire}, then saw me.  It took a moment as he realized that I was standing there.  “Kasi!!!”, cue adorable kid running at me with arms outstretched for the catch and hug he knew would be coming. “Hi, hi!”  I was expecting to have to reintroduce myself to this little man but he remembered me!  We had a moment, its engraved in my memory.  I miss him already!!