Turning

I have an amazingly insightful Father who I love to the moon and back. His wisdom and counsel, whether over dinner, in a letter, or a phone conversation sits at the forefront of my mind. He has given me a GPS, this daughter gets lost faster than a four year-old at Toon Town at Six Flags. He has liked this GPS and my adherance to it to to my life.

After several months of decisions of sorts, only to be jolted to a halt with a much needed trip to Nauvoo ~ another day, another post ~ I lay in bed tonight/morning recalling the metaphor of the GPS.

There is a final destination that I would like to reach in this life. Ultimately I'd love to be sitting on a well-worn oak swing, hanging from the old tree in my backyard that my kids climbed in, holding the hand of the man that has made me laugh, swear, cry, smile, scream, and dance for the previous forty-seven years but more importantly has been my partner ~ pushing sometimes, pulling on occasion, and needing the same from me ~ in creating a family. There is a journey, a path, steps that need to be taken in certain directions to achieve this.

I sometimes miss turns, take the scenic gravel road, or even detour to an antique shop in a town a bit off of the main road. Each time I do the Lord 'recalculates' my journey for me. I'm certain that the 'recalculations' of the last three years have caused the Navigator to laugh, sigh in frustration, and perhaps even cry. But when I listen to His 'recalculations' I find myself back on this road, smiling.

Just like Marki, my GPS, my Lord offers a 'heads-up' before turns are made or exits are taken. I have a moment to consider this next step. In this 'moment' you will find that I run the gamete of emotions ~ from fear to anxiety to elation. I pick up the phone and counsel with those loved and trusted to be certain. But in the end, as my Father has always reminded me, the decision is between me and the Lord. When I put away the fear and take exit I do not find the ultimate destination I desire, one cannot skip the fun and necessary growing years, but rather I find another freeway ~ perhaps with less traffic.

Over the past two months, the Lord has given me this 'heads-up' in regards to an exit I have to make. I don't know what is on the other side of that bend exactly, which is not my favorite. I do know that the exit is one similar to one I have taken before and the road that was beyond that exit was hard, full of unexpected growth through trial. I find a bit of trepidation to repeat this type of exit but a greater anxiety at the thought of having things 'recalculated' again, perhaps missing an important lesson found on this road. Because this could be a good thing, it could be a great thing. At the 3 mile warning my knuckles went white clutching the wheel, at the 2 mile warning I began looking for detours, at the 1 mile warning I started to cry (26 is the year of tears), at the 1/2 mile warning I wiped the tears away and tried to logically find an out. Its the 500 foot reminder now ... not warning because whatever is on the other side of this exit is not an awful situation but I situation, no matter the outcome, that will lead me one mile closer to where I want be.

So I'm turning my blinker on ~ with a smile on my face.