Passion and Other Stuff

Elton John.  Adam in his happy place.  Wednesday was a good day and an even better night.  As I watched my friend walk around, finishing last minute plans, I saw a man on mission.  I saw a man who not only believed in what he does but acts each day to make the changes he knows are necessary in the world.  There was a passion in his eyes that night, a passion that is rare in the eyes of people today.  Certainly there are moments when he gets frustrated or days when all of his efforts are not acknowledged but he continues onward in his efforts to change the world.  He has a passion I seek to find each day.

After my time in California, I had a some thoughts about life and where I saw mine going.  I spent some time with the Good Word and in my thoughts. As it would turn out, I've found {again, I keep forgetting} a good path.  It's not what I would have initially picked nor what might look like the most fun.  But it is a path that I can be passionate about walking on.

In other news, I found myself saying to the Big Guy late on Sunday night that I would take the girls if another friend could have the boys ~ she doesn't need girls as much as I want only boys.  After I crawled into bed my mind stuck with this thought of girls in my life.  {One step at a time, I know} But as I laughed at the fact that after 10 years ~ it's been that long since my pleading began for a house of boys ~ I remembered one of my favorite memories with no-longer-future-Mr-Kasi.  We were with his sister and her family, her newest female addition less than two weeks old.  As n-l-f-M-K held the little one and spoke with the eldest child, also female, I had a moment ~ although brief ~ where I thought, "Every guy needs at least one little girl to be adorable with and to adore him."   I loved n-l-f-M-K a little bit more after seeing him with those girls, incredibly sincere and tender he was.  So world, angels taking note, future children finally being acknowledged ... I won't ship the girls to Ace, at least not initially ~ perhaps when they are spasing out from 11-17 they'll take an extended trip but we'll discuss that as it comes and see where my patience level is.  For now, the new plan that I am getting a bit passionate about, is to keep them.

Around the world ...  After countless years of debate there has been some motion forward, albeit leaked and now causing outrage, in terms of Palestinian refugees returning to Israel.  1000 a year for the next ten years.  One step at a time.

And to conclude, there are a few of you wondering when your nickname will be finalized.  Folks, have some patience.  It has taken anywhere from four minutes to four months to come up with an adequate name for others.  They do not just drop out of thin air ~ they are founded {well, most of them} and fitting.  Patience, Grasshoppers.

4th South and 3rd West

That is the intersection where Bleu stopped, ceased to work, died.  We were cruising right along after a therapeutic evening with Em and she, Bleu, just gave up.  I turned to A and was shocked, so I laughed {I laugh at inappropriate moments}.  Then my brain went at about a mile and a half a minute ... let me share the thoughts of that minute. Sidenote: this is not Bleu below but she is the same make.

Oh-goodness {no censoring folks, that's truly what my mind thought, yep!}-those-lights-have-never-been-on-before-what-do-they-mean?-Singer-took-Bleu-for-an-oil-change-and-checkup-before-I-headed-back-to-Utah-and-everything-checked-out-okay- {A asked who I was going to call my response was internal as outwardly I just laughed}-Singer-is-not-close-so-calling-him-would-be-fruitless-and-frustrating-and-cause-him-to-worry-Dang-Ace-for-not-being-home-would-Ace-know-what-to-do?-Papa-is-sleeping-although-he-would-not-care-if-I-woke-him-but-he-would-think-someone-had-died-if-I-call-at-this-hour-Ashely-is-handy-with-car-but-she-is-far-where-is-a-Muraski-when-I-need-one?-the-gas-light-isn't-on-is-Pretty-boy-from-the-ward-handy-with-cars?-doubtful-Pete-should-be-sleeping-Ogre-would-be-ornery-Bitzy-is-home-or-on-her-way-she-could-come-get-me-but-do-I-just-leave-Bleu-here-overnight-that-makes-me-oober-nervous-oh-I-have-that-thing-with-State-Farm-that-says-do-what-needs-to-done-and-send-us-the-bill.  Oh, okay, I'll just do what needs to be done, likely a tow.  I did not cry, I laughed a little bit more and turned to A.  She had already called Em and she was on her way back.  A nice police officer, with no car knowledge {which I think is RIDICULOUS}, helped push Bleu into the gas station.  Em arrived and handed me the phone, her husband Richard was on the other end.  He is magical and within 57 seconds of hearing his voice Bleu came back to life, without complaint or explanation.  He was kind {although he had full reason to think I was an imbecile}, Em was kind {she had reason to be frustrated, she's a mom with kids to get to school tomorrow!} and all was well in the world.

As I drove home, Em following to be certain that Bleu was not going to relapse, CA called {not handy with cars} and I told him the story, he laughed that guttural laugh as I shared my thoughts during that initial minute or so. As we continued our conversation, a random collection of topics, he made this comment, "Get married, you'll have husband to call.  He may have no knowledge of cars Kas but he'll at least be legally bound to come and get you and keep you out of the front cab of a tow-truck." He then proceeded to tell me a CREEPY story of a girl getting into that front cab, it could have been a Criminal Minds episode, it was that scary. I love that this was his thought though... LOVE IT!  Why?  Well, because this is the man that has not ONCE encouraged me towards that particular adventure, he's the man that has given me EVERY excuse to not do it.  Oh, how time changes everything. He was proud when I reminded him that already last week, twice this week and once next week I would be making efforts {in spite of my slightly jaded attitude regarding the reasoning behind a few of their requests for time with Kasi} in this regard.

YAY for a working Bleu! YAY for State Farm-do-what-you-need-to-do-plan that gives me a sense of safety! YAY for magical Richard! YAY for change! YAY for efforts!

All I have to do is Choose ...

My memory is horrible, without question.  I'll be one of those mothers whose boys tell me I agreed to something that morning and accept it when I really did not, I'm prepared for this and have some creative methods to be sure this doesn't happen frequently but that's another post for another time though.  So this memory of mine tends to not recall things from my childhood, big things.  But I do remember a few little things.  One being sitting in the van, the big one with the tv hanging from the ceiling, listing to 'Baby', a musical for which my mother still harbors an obsession.

There is a song from this show that has been running through my brain on repeat for the past month or so.  I don't know if it was the year anniversary of the date I set a date, Ace's leaving, Pete's announcement for leaving, Smiling Face running to the alter, or the million (9 actual) sweet little ones born in the last month to close friends but something fell into place... "I wanna be Mother Teresa, Margaret Sanger, Margaret Thatcher, Margaret Mead ... I want it all." Yep, there it is folks.

I was discussing this with Singer the other night.  He started laughing at me, hysterically. "Kas," he said in that tone that means what-I'm-about-to-say-may-hurt-but-you-are-tough!-Put-on-your-big-girl-pants, "time to go after it then, it won't fall into your lap."  I didn't respond, not because I was tearful but because I was pondering but Singer isn't good at the silence unless there is something else occupying his mouth, so he continued.  "You're Kasi French for hells sake!" That made me laugh.  He's right, I am.  And in the last year, although lots of fantastic/necessary/life changing lessons were learned, I let life run me where for the previous 26 years that was not the case.  Last year I was, as Vonnegut said, "in a constant state of stage fright ... because (I) never (knew) what part of (my) life (I was) going to have to act in next."  It was scary, worth it ~ I wouldn't change a minute of 2010, but I'm ready to choose what life is going to bring me and I choose happiness and all that it includes.

I've been blessed with amazing people around me (I don't mean nearest to me necessarily, although I have the best of the best here in the state of UT).  As I sat there the night before Ace's departure, with Pete announcing his departure, I realized that they are moving forward.  I get to too.  As I got the text about the wedding I realized Smiling Face was moving forward.  I get to too.  As I listened to the plans for tour ... well Singer just plays! I get to do that too.  And I get to choose how I want to do it because I'm going to do it all.  And for my Grandpa Bill who has to listen to Grandma Phil ask what that means ... It means everything! Let her chew on that for a few weeks.  

So here's to 2011! It's going to be a big year folks, a really big year.  No need to wait, things are already happening.  I'll keep you posted!

Year Off ... Over

So in 2010 I decided to keep my thoughts and opinions to myself regarding political manners.  I pat myself on the back as I did a fairly good job I believe.  But it is 2011 now and ... BOY OH BOY!!

Can we talk about this? And by we I mean me, because its my blog and my year of thoughts-to-self is OVER.  To be honest, I don't have a lot of words as I am completely flabbergasted, not surprised, but FLABBERGASTED at the length people will go for ... what is it they are doing, raising money?  Oh, right.  Because at this time of loss, a nine year old girl and five others, it is ABSOLUTELY appropriate to pull out your checkbooks.   Let us not reflect, let us write a check and raise our glass. 

I do not claim that 'my side' has been proper, Palin and Beck are likely not the reason for this.  But people, come on!

Let it be said, I have a voice and I'll use it.  To be clear ... I do not agree with basing the 'largest fundraising (sic) day in (their) history' to be founded on a loss of innocent lives.

BEST Story Ever

A friend of mine turned to the girl he loves
 yesterday morning and said, 

"So, do you want to just do this?" 

They got married last night.  

That is my favorite story.

2011, don't suck! (copyright JHD)