Kedge of Life

So a lot has happened in life. Holidays have come and gone. There have been trips to Chicago, Indiana, Nebraska, California, and Washington. There have been primaries for over 35 states. There has been a move. I could go on ...

I was speaking with a good friend one night, about a month or so ago now. We were discussing his life and my life, the ups and downs, the decisions or the lack their of, the happiness to be found, the stumbling blocks to avoid. Half way through the conversation he stopped mid-sentence ~ very unusual! Then he stated, rather bluntly (tact never having been either of our strong suits), something that caught me completely off guard. We spent the next hour or so discussing his 'fact' that I needed to 'face'. Then I fell asleep ...












Over the past month I have contemplated the words of this dear friend but not nearly enough and life has continued to move around me. Most of the time I find myself in a maze of my own to-dos I have created for myself, I feel better about life when I'm running at a million miles an hour. But I'm beginning to understand that running a million miles an hour on a treadmill gets you no where. You are just running, there is no final destination, no great reward as you cross the finish line, in fact there is no finish line. There is nothing to look at along the way to increase the worth of the journey, no strangers to turn into friends as you make your way down the path ... you're just going. Sometimes that's okay, sometimes that all that can be managed but sometimes it's not.

This realization comes often, not because I'm so in tune with what I should be doing but rather because I so quickly forget what I have been reminded of. Sometimes it is in the middle of the night. Sometimes it is during a morning drive. Sometimes it is while I sit in the temple. Sometimes it is when I'm being heckled, in a loving way, regarding my fickleness. But it is a moment ...

At these moments when I realize that perhaps it's not okay I call home. Parents offer perspective and unbridled encouragement. Or an Aunt, a friend, offers a laugh and a reminder that perhaps this process is for my betterment. And when I need to not be the single girl hopping from meeting to meeting I find a night and run north to a house filled with the noise of three little boys. I certainly adore the noise, seriously. But more than that, as I spend time playing trains, drinking homemade smoothies, or cuddling with the cutest baby, I find the reason for the moment of realization, I find perspective. I find that anchor from which I sometimes unhitch myself.

So I'm hoping to hitch this anchor with a better knot right now and get off the treadmill. I can move forward, say what needs to be said, do what needs to be done. As my favorite Bishop Rugy says, "Onward and Upward, Upward and Onward, nothing but success."