And in other news ... I am in love with Christmas. I know, I know, this is not a phrase I throw around, ever. But it is the truth. I was raised in a home with multiple Christmas trees and festivities beginning the day after Thanksgiving and ending only as the tree is brought down on New Years Day. There is something about this time of year that makes everything a bit ... brighter ... specialer ... happier ... prettier ... sparklier ... you get the idea. If you're looking for me during the next month or so I can be found beneath the tree, it's magical and right now, in this moment, I appreciate that very very much.
29.11.09
Really?
Yes, really.
And in other news ... I am in love with Christmas. I know, I know, this is not a phrase I throw around, ever. But it is the truth. I was raised in a home with multiple Christmas trees and festivities beginning the day after Thanksgiving and ending only as the tree is brought down on New Years Day. There is something about this time of year that makes everything a bit ... brighter ... specialer ... happier ... prettier ... sparklier ... you get the idea. If you're looking for me during the next month or so I can be found beneath the tree, it's magical and right now, in this moment, I appreciate that very very much.
And in other news ... I am in love with Christmas. I know, I know, this is not a phrase I throw around, ever. But it is the truth. I was raised in a home with multiple Christmas trees and festivities beginning the day after Thanksgiving and ending only as the tree is brought down on New Years Day. There is something about this time of year that makes everything a bit ... brighter ... specialer ... happier ... prettier ... sparklier ... you get the idea. If you're looking for me during the next month or so I can be found beneath the tree, it's magical and right now, in this moment, I appreciate that very very much.
26.11.09
Giving Thanks
A few weeks back as I crashed another Hatch family dinner this article was shared, a great balance of hilarity and gratitude.
This morning as I laid in bed contemplating this day and all of my many blessings, of which I stand undeserving of, I've decided the list topper was that of forgiveness. I am far from perfect, I speak before thinking, I act before contemplating and more often than not ~ as most nine year-olds also realize ~ this gets me into pickles of all different sizes.
As this situation occurs more often than I care to admit, I contemplate the situation. As the offender I realize I need to ask for forgiveness, not an easy task. I spend more time than I care to admit contemplating the consequence of not asking for this gift. I weigh the pros and cons and more often than I care to admit I bulk up the pros of keeping my mouth shut. However, as the late hours turn into to early ones I realize that I've been ridiculous, prideful, ridiculous, prideful ... repeat as necessary ... and come to the conclusion that requesting forgiveness is my only option.
My family forgives quickly and loves all the more.
My friends more often than not laugh at how worked up I've become over the ordeal {which to them is far from an ordeal} and offer their forgiveness.
Now for the part which often stays reserved for late night conversation but today hits the blogging world. As I turn to my Father in Heaven and plead for forgiveness for my stubbornness, my arrogant defiance, my lack of retention, I find the ultimate love and understanding. He more than anyone could offer a lecture and turn His back on this girl. He more than anyone could offer the evidence of a broken heart made such by the repeated lack of acknowledgment and understanding from this girl. He more than anyone could look at me and create a further feeling of guilt and unworthiness in this girl. But He, more than anyone, offers open arms and a heart full of love and understanding. He looks at me and reminds me that this is merely a moment, that I will survive and even thrive if I will continue to look forward and move upward. He offers the ability to be forgiven through his Son, my literal Savior. I may mess things up, big time. But He knows and He remains at my side, offering His love and His forgiveness. Today I am most grateful for that.
Other things I'm grateful for ...
... memories.
... parents.
... grandparents.
... friends that are more like family.
... being called {Pretty Fairy Prinecess} by the nine-year-old boy while playing war, I may have let him win.
... my nicknamed friends.
... straight hair days.
... angelic sleeping children.
... snowball fights.
... adventures with Flat Stanley.
... being able to cry without questions.
... voicemails that are unexpected, undeserved, and understandable.
... children's laughter and dimples.
... snuggles.
... Christmas movies, Christmas lights, Christmas sparkles, Christmas music ...
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.
This morning as I laid in bed contemplating this day and all of my many blessings, of which I stand undeserving of, I've decided the list topper was that of forgiveness. I am far from perfect, I speak before thinking, I act before contemplating and more often than not ~ as most nine year-olds also realize ~ this gets me into pickles of all different sizes.
As this situation occurs more often than I care to admit, I contemplate the situation. As the offender I realize I need to ask for forgiveness, not an easy task. I spend more time than I care to admit contemplating the consequence of not asking for this gift. I weigh the pros and cons and more often than I care to admit I bulk up the pros of keeping my mouth shut. However, as the late hours turn into to early ones I realize that I've been ridiculous, prideful, ridiculous, prideful ... repeat as necessary ... and come to the conclusion that requesting forgiveness is my only option.
My family forgives quickly and loves all the more.
My friends more often than not laugh at how worked up I've become over the ordeal {which to them is far from an ordeal} and offer their forgiveness.
Now for the part which often stays reserved for late night conversation but today hits the blogging world. As I turn to my Father in Heaven and plead for forgiveness for my stubbornness, my arrogant defiance, my lack of retention, I find the ultimate love and understanding. He more than anyone could offer a lecture and turn His back on this girl. He more than anyone could offer the evidence of a broken heart made such by the repeated lack of acknowledgment and understanding from this girl. He more than anyone could look at me and create a further feeling of guilt and unworthiness in this girl. But He, more than anyone, offers open arms and a heart full of love and understanding. He looks at me and reminds me that this is merely a moment, that I will survive and even thrive if I will continue to look forward and move upward. He offers the ability to be forgiven through his Son, my literal Savior. I may mess things up, big time. But He knows and He remains at my side, offering His love and His forgiveness. Today I am most grateful for that.
Other things I'm grateful for ...
... memories.
... parents.
... grandparents.
... friends that are more like family.
... being called {Pretty Fairy Prinecess} by the nine-year-old boy while playing war, I may have let him win.
... my nicknamed friends.
... straight hair days.
... angelic sleeping children.
... snowball fights.
... adventures with Flat Stanley.
... being able to cry without questions.
... voicemails that are unexpected, undeserved, and understandable.
... children's laughter and dimples.
... snuggles.
... Christmas movies, Christmas lights, Christmas sparkles, Christmas music ...
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.
24.11.09
Reality...
... is real, profound I know.
ILYB ... Track 10.
House ... 609 scene 10.
SiS ... Rainbow Room - Night.
That's all for today.
ILYB ... Track 10.
House ... 609 scene 10.
SiS ... Rainbow Room - Night.
That's all for today.
19.11.09
Doc and Pops
Today Pops had a doctors appointment, Mom joined him.
They were discussing symptoms and the doctor asked if there was any memory loss. {Question for the doctors out there, don't you think this is a funny question to ask someone that wouldn't remember whether they forgot something or not? Just putting it out there.} Pops replied with a resolved "No," and Mom scoffed. She then lovingly reminded him that maybe he does forget a few things and becomes a bit repetitive. Pops, always a quick witted man no matter the dosage he may or may not be on, looked at Doc and said, "My kids just don't listen, I have to repeat myself."
He is a funny funny man!! I'll try to listen a bit more actively Pops, it'll save you some time to get to the book of yours! In the meantime, I suppose I blamed a lot on you and Mom post-move and during those teenage-angst years, I guess I can take the heat for a little while!
They were discussing symptoms and the doctor asked if there was any memory loss. {Question for the doctors out there, don't you think this is a funny question to ask someone that wouldn't remember whether they forgot something or not? Just putting it out there.} Pops replied with a resolved "No," and Mom scoffed. She then lovingly reminded him that maybe he does forget a few things and becomes a bit repetitive. Pops, always a quick witted man no matter the dosage he may or may not be on, looked at Doc and said, "My kids just don't listen, I have to repeat myself."
He is a funny funny man!! I'll try to listen a bit more actively Pops, it'll save you some time to get to the book of yours! In the meantime, I suppose I blamed a lot on you and Mom post-move and during those teenage-angst years, I guess I can take the heat for a little while!
15.11.09
Door's Open
Dear Laundry Friend {because you aren't comfortable with the word Fairy} ...
I'd rather have you here helping me deal with this ...
... than anywhere else. Sure, I got used to sleeping on half a bed when I had a 6 and a 7 year-old crawling in with me when I had nightmares {yes, me}. But I like my OWN BIG GIRL BED and this pile of clean laundry is just taking up too much room, I'm sleeping in Savasana {healthy sure but not my curled of ball of warmth}.
Every emotion I can fess up to,
Me
I'd rather have you here helping me deal with this ...
... than anywhere else. Sure, I got used to sleeping on half a bed when I had a 6 and a 7 year-old crawling in with me when I had nightmares {yes, me}. But I like my OWN BIG GIRL BED and this pile of clean laundry is just taking up too much room, I'm sleeping in Savasana {healthy sure but not my curled of ball of warmth}.
Every emotion I can fess up to,
Me
14.11.09
Out of Words
In all of the time spent with the Worthen family growing up we picked up a few things. One thing that Dad used frequently in his house of theatrical children was Bishop's phrase "You're out of words." This meant no more talking. You would sit and observe, which was torture. You could not add to the story, you could not one-up your sibling, you could not defend yourself after telling of said story ~ no, you sat quietly.
However in one facet of my life being 'out of words' comes naturally, that being the emotional facet. The examples can start as young as seven with Ben Jensen ... I clammed up and family dinners when he slept over were never the same, silent Kasi proved quite dull but not nearly as annoying to my older brother and his friend I'm sure. At fifteen as I heard the words "Kasi, I'll miss you" on the other end of line {on a phone from the theater because I would not dare say goodbye to him in person even though he was Ty and I was Kas and that fact alone should have justified a personal goodbye} I found my safe phrase, thank you, and ended the phone conversation. At eighteen, after a summer of fun and intrigue, I used that same phrase in response to Adam. The examples are endless and not necessary as I'm certain this audience is either already aware of my inability or quick enough to understand.
Frequently my inability causes some serious problems in my life. Several weeks ago CAs {the plural of this noun} decided that I needed an intervention, bless their sweet hearts. By the end of the conversation I was convinced that I could say more than just thank you and had a list in my hand of topics too discuss. They were convinced that this particular conversation, as opposed to all of those that they had experienced with me, was going to be a success. D&K chimed in with support, convincing me that everything will work out. The parental units offered up prayers I am certain. And guess what ... everyone was right and prayers were answered. It was in large part due to his candor and patience. But I did not run out of words or stop the conversation prior to resolution, after two hours {time increased due to my need to process things} we made it ... and things are great, normal, standard.
Logically, one would think {that one being me and my support group, of which you are a part} that I could continue in this behavior of words, positive reinforcement. HA! There is no Halmark card to express my regret that my habits have not changed over night. But I am an adult {yes Matt, I said it} and I have the ability, inspite of what comes naturally to me, to speak and to vocalize {without pitchy tones or witchy behavior} what I am thinking and feeling. I do not need to be 'out of words' when emotional topics are brought up. I say to the myself, to you, to the world ... I will use my words.
However in one facet of my life being 'out of words' comes naturally, that being the emotional facet. The examples can start as young as seven with Ben Jensen ... I clammed up and family dinners when he slept over were never the same, silent Kasi proved quite dull but not nearly as annoying to my older brother and his friend I'm sure. At fifteen as I heard the words "Kasi, I'll miss you" on the other end of line {on a phone from the theater because I would not dare say goodbye to him in person even though he was Ty and I was Kas and that fact alone should have justified a personal goodbye} I found my safe phrase, thank you, and ended the phone conversation. At eighteen, after a summer of fun and intrigue, I used that same phrase in response to Adam. The examples are endless and not necessary as I'm certain this audience is either already aware of my inability or quick enough to understand.
Frequently my inability causes some serious problems in my life. Several weeks ago CAs {the plural of this noun} decided that I needed an intervention, bless their sweet hearts. By the end of the conversation I was convinced that I could say more than just thank you and had a list in my hand of topics too discuss. They were convinced that this particular conversation, as opposed to all of those that they had experienced with me, was going to be a success. D&K chimed in with support, convincing me that everything will work out. The parental units offered up prayers I am certain. And guess what ... everyone was right and prayers were answered. It was in large part due to his candor and patience. But I did not run out of words or stop the conversation prior to resolution, after two hours {time increased due to my need to process things} we made it ... and things are great, normal, standard.
Logically, one would think {that one being me and my support group, of which you are a part} that I could continue in this behavior of words, positive reinforcement. HA! There is no Halmark card to express my regret that my habits have not changed over night. But I am an adult {yes Matt, I said it} and I have the ability, inspite of what comes naturally to me, to speak and to vocalize {without pitchy tones or witchy behavior} what I am thinking and feeling. I do not need to be 'out of words' when emotional topics are brought up. I say to the myself, to you, to the world ... I will use my words.
8.11.09
Having a Moment ...
... when we went up into tree and saw my newest Bikram yoga partner close to his death on the ground next to me.
... when Syd takes to him as quickly as she does to ice cream.
... when I walk into the 'Chastity Party' {yes, that's right, feel free to reread allowing that to fully resonate in you but that's what it was folks, a party for being chaste in my 27th year of life}. Yes, the sparklers were my token!
... when I came home and saw all of my laundry had been put away.
... when I had to say goodbye.
... when I discovered {add Gramps favorite expletive to gain the full affect} that I had been marked.
... when I relayed my frustrations on the way home and got all sorts of pitchy {to my own surprise but I'm certain not to him}.
Thanks to everyone involved in or causing said moments! Who wants to go to CA this weekend and create a few more? Oh, me? Yep, sure do.
... when Syd takes to him as quickly as she does to ice cream.
... when I walk into the 'Chastity Party' {yes, that's right, feel free to reread allowing that to fully resonate in you but that's what it was folks, a party for being chaste in my 27th year of life}. Yes, the sparklers were my token!
... when I came home and saw all of my laundry had been put away.
... when I had to say goodbye.
... when I discovered {add Gramps favorite expletive to gain the full affect} that I had been marked.
... when I relayed my frustrations on the way home and got all sorts of pitchy {to my own surprise but I'm certain not to him}.
Thanks to everyone involved in or causing said moments! Who wants to go to CA this weekend and create a few more? Oh, me? Yep, sure do.
5.11.09
Tub-time
I have late nights and I do not mind them. Last night was numbered among them. I got in right before it became today and found my mind running in overdrive. I tried to focus on one thing at a time but failed. I sat down at the computer to put together one of my lists and even that wasn't working. I texted CA and announced that although he was likely in bed I needed a voice on the other end of the line to ramble to. Bless him. After I listed everything, pretty equivalent to nothing in retrospect, he reminded me of a trick used while I lived up in the House on the Hill ... take a bath. I smiled.
There is something so simple about a bath yet it appeases the masses, from two days to two years to ninety, baths are brilliant. I'm a bit weird, I shower before getting into the tub simply because I don't see the point of sitting in dirty water. But after a day of life sinking into that ginormous tub with a book or Christmas music playing quietly makes things fall away and life is perfect. Bath time makes me 'melo'. The mere thought of it last night, as the digital clock flipped to an hour early hour, put my thoughts to rest and I found sleep.
Maybe I need a trip to CA simply for the tub-time that I love so much. Good enough reason for me ... well, not this weekend but maybe the next and the next and the next and the next ... maybe I'll just stay for the tub.
There is something so simple about a bath yet it appeases the masses, from two days to two years to ninety, baths are brilliant. I'm a bit weird, I shower before getting into the tub simply because I don't see the point of sitting in dirty water. But after a day of life sinking into that ginormous tub with a book or Christmas music playing quietly makes things fall away and life is perfect. Bath time makes me 'melo'. The mere thought of it last night, as the digital clock flipped to an hour early hour, put my thoughts to rest and I found sleep.
Maybe I need a trip to CA simply for the tub-time that I love so much. Good enough reason for me ... well, not this weekend but maybe the next and the next and the next and the next ... maybe I'll just stay for the tub.
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