Out of Words

In all of the time spent with the Worthen family growing up we picked up a few things.  One thing that Dad used frequently in his house of theatrical children was Bishop's phrase "You're out of words."  This meant no more talking.  You would sit and observe, which was torture.  You could not add to the story, you could not one-up your sibling, you could not defend yourself after telling of said story ~ no, you sat quietly.

However in one facet of my life being 'out of words' comes naturally, that being the emotional facet.  The examples can start as young as seven with Ben Jensen ... I clammed up and family dinners when he slept over were never the same, silent Kasi proved quite dull but not nearly as annoying to my older brother and his friend I'm sure.  At fifteen as I heard the words "Kasi, I'll miss you" on the other end of line {on a phone from the theater because I would not dare say goodbye to him in person even though he was Ty and I was Kas and that fact alone should have justified a personal goodbye} I found my safe phrase, thank you, and ended the phone conversation.  At eighteen, after a summer of fun and intrigue, I used that same phrase in response to Adam. The examples are endless and not necessary as I'm certain this audience is either already aware of my inability or quick enough to understand.

Frequently my inability causes some serious problems in my life.  Several weeks ago CAs {the plural of this noun} decided that I needed an intervention, bless their sweet hearts.  By the end of the conversation I was convinced that I could say more than just thank you and had a list in my hand of topics too discuss.  They were convinced that this particular conversation, as opposed to all of those that they had experienced with me, was going to be a success.  D&K chimed in with support, convincing me that everything will work out.  The parental units offered up prayers I am certain.  And guess what ... everyone was right and prayers were answered.  It was in large part due to his candor and patience.  But I did not run out of words or stop the conversation prior to resolution, after two hours {time increased due to my need to process things} we made it ... and things are great, normal, standard.

Logically, one would think {that one being me and my support group, of which you are a part} that I could continue in this behavior of words, positive reinforcement.  HA!  There is no Halmark card to express my regret that my habits have not changed over night.  But I am an adult {yes Matt, I said it} and I have the ability, inspite of what comes naturally to me, to speak and to vocalize {without pitchy tones or witchy behavior} what I am thinking and feeling.  I do not need to be 'out of words' when emotional topics are brought up.  I say to the myself, to you, to the world ... I will use my words.