Kainotophobia

Kainotophobia ... many suffer from it and I am not an exception. Growing up I was a happy girl. I lived in the same house for 15 years. I went into Lake Forest High School with the same friends that I went into Mrs. Harris' kindergarten class with. I shared a tent at girls camp with the same girls that came to my house for Joy School. I got all gussied up for dances to spend time with the same guys that chased me around the back yard when I was three. Change only occured in other people's lives. I was the postergirl for stability.

Then ... the Indiana move. Oh boy, was I a witch to those Hoosiers.

Then ... the Utah State transition. I continually apologize to the poor girls that had to live with me during that phase of change and thank 'the guys' for their unfaltering support and love of Marsha.

Then ... the mission. Unlike earlier, I was very aware of the constant change that would take place during this eighteen month stretch of my life. Surprisingly enough, I managed to keep things somewhat consistent, as much as I possibly could have.

Then ... California. Again a surprising time in life. I took a few famous, "Kas Hiatus", days but for the most part this transition was quick and easy. The change to sunny days at the beach, funny nights with the kids, and priceless moments was quick and easy.

Now ... Utah. I've been here for a month. My room is unpacked. My mail is being forwarded. My records are now in the Hillside Ward. I am a registered voter in Salt Lake City. It's been a little rough (some of you perhaps are thinking, "little? Kas you have been a constant stream of tears for the past month!"). But things are fitting into place. I often find myself wondering, why Utah? Why now? I was loving California. But I am beginning to understand that it is this growth, the hard change, that makes me look inside and see exactly who I am and what I can handle. I am standing on my own. I'm fighting for who I want to be ~ sure, this includes the daily battles for Barack or the weekly debates regarding my single life ~ but I am okay with that.

Carlyle reminds me, "The first duty of man is to conquer fear; he must get rid of it, he cannot act till then." So ...

Hi, I'm Kasi and I have Kainotophobia ~ first step, DONE!