Katzenjammer in My Mind

I often find that I have this uprising within me to go back to the most comfortable, most known, way of life.

I remember specifically my Freshman year of college. Here I was, the girl on the outside of five fun friends from Farmington. Here I was, the girl on the outside of the Utah way. I had just left a summer of comfort at the theatre, great relationships, lunches at the lake, and fun with family. Being at Utah State was the last place I wanted to be but I knew I needed to go to college, I knew I had registered there, so I was that girl. The first night, as we all remember I’m sure, was tears, tears, and more tears. But the Farmington girls adjusted quicker than I did, shocking!, and I continued to have this internal fight, a part of me ready to pack-up my stuff and head back east and another part of me knowing that this was a necessary phase of life.

Dave, Steve, Andre, Brit and Joe, Chris, and Mike ~ I’m sure are still receiving blessings from having to deal with Marcia on a daily basis ~ each reassuring me that I would find happiness and a place where I belonged. There was one particular night when something had or hadn’t occurred, that detail I do not remember. I do remember calling Dave in tears, not completely surprising, and having him come and rescue me. We sat in his apartment with roommates coming in and out talking about home and life back there. Then he said something that got to me, something that still resonates. “Mar, this is a part of life. This is a part of becoming a grownup. This is what makes you all grownup. Sure you can cry. You can even hate it. Go ahead but understand that it's going to come.” Then his friend Dan, the best Neil Diamond impersonator I’ve ever known, broke out into 'Girl, You’ll be a Woman Soon' ~ sometimes I create the theatrics but often it just lands in my lap! ~ and I was done with the spasing about being in Utah. I was okay. And I was okay for three years.

So this Utah new phase of life, it’s going to be okay. I was reminded by a dear friend last night of the exact lesson Dave gave me six years ago. Sure it will be hard but it will be okay. So the month long uprising within me … it’s settled. I understand that this is where I am, this is where I get to be. So I’ll knock on doors for Barack. I’ll go help with the tree planting. I’ll rake my leaves. I’ll get my car fixed. I’ll have an open mind regarding my Friday nights. I’ll drive up to see the snow. I’ll do the pretty lights on Temple Square. I’ll smile and be a grown-up. I’m smiling, I’m grown-up.