I usually make faces when I hear words like this, "Kasi, he's great. Just pick up the phone when he calls," or "We knew the first time we met him that he could handle you Marsha." I don't try to hide the hesitation nor do I filter my thoughts. "No thank you ... I'm sure he'll find someone without your help ... I enjoy my random hookups with people you don't know and would like to keep it that way" and so on and so forth.
I made no exception about a month ago when this dude {because I'm throwing myself back into my So Cal talk for this evening} was brought up. I said what I needed to divert the conversation and was successful. So when my phone rang the next night with an unknown number I assumed as I normally do that it was one of my three International Travelers and answered with the happy tone, as there are several different tones {which Cassidy and Eli are best at identifying} I pick up the phone in. It was not one deserving of said tone, it was Blind Date. He was charming, as was told to me in the few 'Sell Him' moments I let my friends indulge in the night before. I might have giggled like a girl once in the conversation and I found myself agreeing to his offer.
First date, in spite of where my mind might have been prior to, was fine. Second date, WOW. The man cheated. I'm not quite certain how I feel about it as my feelings as of late have been ... well ... yep ... right ... for the most part ... exactly! But I've got to give the guy credit, he did his research {explaining the high archive hit earlier this week}. We started at Paradise, literally, for some soup. Then we simply drove up Sardine.
I don't think I've ever been driven so slowly through that canyon, it was far from the glory days of arm rest shredding in the jeep, but much more enjoyable. The colors were amazing and as the sun went down the beams of light hit in such an amazing manner, I had no words just pleasant 'hmms' and 'ahhs'. I was content as we drove in silence, he was a bit uncomfortable with it as made evident by his constant glances and awkward throat clearing and I attempted for a minute to rejuvenate the conversation for him but I just found myself distracted by the beautiful earth outside the windows. We stopped and walked for a bit, the crunch of the leaves wasn't quite as crisp as rain had fallen recently but it was still enough to smile and take that mental picture.
The point I am trying to make in a 'short story long' kind of way is simply this ... he clearly knew where to take me. Between his time on the blog {which was also made clear as he brought things up that I had not discussed with him at any point and time} and his time probing our mutual friends {which they have confessed to}the man knew how to charm this girl. I've got to give credit where credit is due and to this man I say, well done.*
*I can't say more because, as previously stated, he reads the blog.
15.10.09
10.10.09
Awake
I haven't had a nightmare in a long time, since this one actually. Last week I was woken up by snores, no dreaming, but was able to fall back to sleep promptly. Tonight, I am awake {WIDE AWAKE}.
There are some dreams that you know are dreams as you are experiencing them, you will yourself to stay asleep, you will yourself to stay in the middle of the goodness that your subconscious has created. This was not that dream. The chapel was real, the conversations were real, and scent of the flowers was real {no, it was not a nightmare because there were flowers}. The gathering was familiar and common, minus one. It was real, it was happening and I could not pinch myself or will myself awake to get out of it.
As we sat down, in those ridiculous front pews, I looked to my right and saw Mom. I looked to my left and saw each of my siblings with their spouses, Buba was holding a little baby girl. Each of them stood up and walked to the pulpit at their respective time and said something, what they felt was necessary. Within the first few minutes Cowboy came up and sat with me, I turned to whisper a thanks to Robs. The minutes seemed drag, I counted the crevices on the bottom of Cowboy's brown shoe. It was my turn. I stood and began to walk forward, stood before the room and took in the picture. Stace and Brandon were there with three little ones, Adam was sitting with Richard and the Costabiles, Becky Millar, Brad and Markell, Dave and Kirsten, Wayne and Lisa, Sorensen and Chad plus two, Rich and Anne, Rich and Cheryl, Denny and Sara, Mark and Debbie, Janet and David and all of the kids. And then I saw the ones that I had wished would be there but couldn't have expected ... everyone was accounted for that I needed there. I then scanned the rows directly infront of me, everyone was a bit older. Gramps still wore the glasses although they sat a bit heavier on that nose he gave to each of us, Grams was sporting a lighter hair color. Cowboy had gone back to sit with Girlfriend and Robs. Aunt Betty, outliving us all apparently, sat tall. Uncle Max looked a bit older. Aunt Charma sat with hands outstretched, one to Sammy and the other to Mac. The J cousins sat, the eldest being entertained by a newborn while the younger two sat entranced by Megan, her mom allowing the distraction as she held tight to John's hand. Uncle Matt looked more like Grandpa than I remember from just a few weeks ago, sitting with Aunt Laurel. Grandma and Grandpa French sat close to one another. His brothers, each of them resembling him more than I ever remember, sat perfectly still. I spoke, I don't remember what I said but I do remember I did not cry.
As I went to sit back down I paused for a moment as Mom passed and quickly squeezed my right hand. It was at this moment I saw for the first time the corsage she wore, with that single lily he always chooses. I saw one on me, one on Brianna and each of my sisters-in-law. I heard Mom's voice but cannot recall her words. I turned hoping to finagle my niece from Buba but they were no longer there. As I turned behind me, to Robs and the kiddos, I found no one. The front pews were empty. I turned to the front again, Mom was gone as were Mark and Wayne, who had been sitting up on the stand. I stood now, alone in an empty room. The panic was real. I ran, in heels mind you {when do I wear heels?}, searching but everyone was gone. I could not find my family, I screamed the rollcall I had heard so many times on those summer mornings in the crowded house on Park as Gramps would wake us for rehearsal. I tried for the next constant and screamed for Adam, I saw a beaded chandelier but no boy in the star hat. I called out for everyone and with each scream I paused, waiting for a response but heard nothing ...
Then I woke up. So yes, I'm awake. I'm not Grandma Phyllis, I have not been watching FlashForward, this was a nightmare and nothing more. But I'm still awake, which was not the plan. Yes, there is a logical explanation for this I'm certain but it is eluding me at this particular moment. I sleep better in Salt Lake or even in Park City, when did that happen?
There are some dreams that you know are dreams as you are experiencing them, you will yourself to stay asleep, you will yourself to stay in the middle of the goodness that your subconscious has created. This was not that dream. The chapel was real, the conversations were real, and scent of the flowers was real {no, it was not a nightmare because there were flowers}. The gathering was familiar and common, minus one. It was real, it was happening and I could not pinch myself or will myself awake to get out of it.
As we sat down, in those ridiculous front pews, I looked to my right and saw Mom. I looked to my left and saw each of my siblings with their spouses, Buba was holding a little baby girl. Each of them stood up and walked to the pulpit at their respective time and said something, what they felt was necessary. Within the first few minutes Cowboy came up and sat with me, I turned to whisper a thanks to Robs. The minutes seemed drag, I counted the crevices on the bottom of Cowboy's brown shoe. It was my turn. I stood and began to walk forward, stood before the room and took in the picture. Stace and Brandon were there with three little ones, Adam was sitting with Richard and the Costabiles, Becky Millar, Brad and Markell, Dave and Kirsten, Wayne and Lisa, Sorensen and Chad plus two, Rich and Anne, Rich and Cheryl, Denny and Sara, Mark and Debbie, Janet and David and all of the kids. And then I saw the ones that I had wished would be there but couldn't have expected ... everyone was accounted for that I needed there. I then scanned the rows directly infront of me, everyone was a bit older. Gramps still wore the glasses although they sat a bit heavier on that nose he gave to each of us, Grams was sporting a lighter hair color. Cowboy had gone back to sit with Girlfriend and Robs. Aunt Betty, outliving us all apparently, sat tall. Uncle Max looked a bit older. Aunt Charma sat with hands outstretched, one to Sammy and the other to Mac. The J cousins sat, the eldest being entertained by a newborn while the younger two sat entranced by Megan, her mom allowing the distraction as she held tight to John's hand. Uncle Matt looked more like Grandpa than I remember from just a few weeks ago, sitting with Aunt Laurel. Grandma and Grandpa French sat close to one another. His brothers, each of them resembling him more than I ever remember, sat perfectly still. I spoke, I don't remember what I said but I do remember I did not cry.
As I went to sit back down I paused for a moment as Mom passed and quickly squeezed my right hand. It was at this moment I saw for the first time the corsage she wore, with that single lily he always chooses. I saw one on me, one on Brianna and each of my sisters-in-law. I heard Mom's voice but cannot recall her words. I turned hoping to finagle my niece from Buba but they were no longer there. As I turned behind me, to Robs and the kiddos, I found no one. The front pews were empty. I turned to the front again, Mom was gone as were Mark and Wayne, who had been sitting up on the stand. I stood now, alone in an empty room. The panic was real. I ran, in heels mind you {when do I wear heels?}, searching but everyone was gone. I could not find my family, I screamed the rollcall I had heard so many times on those summer mornings in the crowded house on Park as Gramps would wake us for rehearsal. I tried for the next constant and screamed for Adam, I saw a beaded chandelier but no boy in the star hat. I called out for everyone and with each scream I paused, waiting for a response but heard nothing ...
Then I woke up. So yes, I'm awake. I'm not Grandma Phyllis, I have not been watching FlashForward, this was a nightmare and nothing more. But I'm still awake, which was not the plan. Yes, there is a logical explanation for this I'm certain but it is eluding me at this particular moment. I sleep better in Salt Lake or even in Park City, when did that happen?
6.10.09
Repeat
Remember this day? Yep, its another one of those days. I had intentions of being down in Provo again but made it to the Point of the Mountain and stayed. I'm grateful for friends who drive north, thinking I'd be there and returning south with a {Get Well Kit}. I'm grateful for brothers who drive north to offer time and service and company to the whiny sister. I'm grateful for rescheduling of events {point in his favor as he was not grouchy with rescheduling of such}. I'm grateful for Jane Austin and her constant companionship during this time.
In other news ... It's been two years since I moved to Utah from sunny California. This shall be the subject of my next post ~ I'm tired and ornery and not in the best mood to write on this now and if I had to make a decision would pack my bags and move to Huntington tomorrow but that's just because colds don't prosper in said climate.
In other news ... It's been two years since I moved to Utah from sunny California. This shall be the subject of my next post ~ I'm tired and ornery and not in the best mood to write on this now and if I had to make a decision would pack my bags and move to Huntington tomorrow but that's just because colds don't prosper in said climate.
5.10.09
Fall is Here in the Form of Winter
I am not partial to any season as I am in love with them all upon their first appearance each year. The first day of Spring {as the light jacket is worn for the first time and the blossoms are sprouting, a perfect day for SWING time with an orange in hand}. The first day of Summer {as the shorts and tshirts are worn for the first time and the sky is perfectly clear and the air warm, a perfect day for a leisurely walk along the shore with a COKE in hand}. The first day of Fall {as the jacket and sweaters are worn for the first time and the leaves begin to turn to the bright shades, a perfect day for a walk in the park or a drive through the canyon with a Pumpkin Spice Milk Steamer in hand}. The first day of Winter {as the scarves, gloves, and beanies are worn for the first time and the snow hits the tops of the mountains, a perfect day for a fire in the fireplace after a long snow ball fight and hot chocolate in hand}. I love all four seasons, which is perhaps why California gets a bit dreary for me in the winter and Alaska is ridiculous thought at any point in the year. So ...
... FALL, where have you gone?!? Stand firm against Winter, she's tough ~ I know ~ but you have a right, a greater right, to be here right now. I am a giddy girl at the first snow but I will not recognize the snow in Park City this weekend as such, it was fake. I want the crunchy noises as I walk on the leaves, the laughter of those last few nights that can be spent outside without frozen nose hairs, the brisk morning air without de-icing my windows. Fall, I'm counting on you to win this fight ~ I'm behind you for at least the next month and a half.
Yes, it snowed in Park City this weekend and I was there to walk in it, drive in it, and drive out of it through Parley's. Inside of the beautiful home that M&M rented for the weekend there were games, laughter, a bit of interesting behavior, and more laughter. I realized, standing next to my favorite M in the kitchen, that I am a bit more sheltered than I thought myself to be, and truth be told, I'm absolutely okay with that.
Fun and favorite moments include but not limited to {counting to 20 but not backwards}{running into my Mission President's wife at the store}{artichoke dip}{deer drives with my silent friend in the front seat}{bed and nap time readings}{identifying the snorer}{girl talk in whispered tones}{tierra's intensity during the 3rd Grader game that we did not succeed at very well}{brownies, post second cooking}{listening, somehow on my own, to the Good Word being taught passionately and somberly}{johnny in CHOCOLATE, how had I not seen that?}{the boys reaction to the girls reaction of johnny in CHOCOLATE}{honesty}{conference tradition cinnamon rolls}{walks in the rain}{all mouth curses to me}{changing sleeping arrangements}{smiling}
... FALL, where have you gone?!? Stand firm against Winter, she's tough ~ I know ~ but you have a right, a greater right, to be here right now. I am a giddy girl at the first snow but I will not recognize the snow in Park City this weekend as such, it was fake. I want the crunchy noises as I walk on the leaves, the laughter of those last few nights that can be spent outside without frozen nose hairs, the brisk morning air without de-icing my windows. Fall, I'm counting on you to win this fight ~ I'm behind you for at least the next month and a half.
Yes, it snowed in Park City this weekend and I was there to walk in it, drive in it, and drive out of it through Parley's. Inside of the beautiful home that M&M rented for the weekend there were games, laughter, a bit of interesting behavior, and more laughter. I realized, standing next to my favorite M in the kitchen, that I am a bit more sheltered than I thought myself to be, and truth be told, I'm absolutely okay with that.
Fun and favorite moments include but not limited to {counting to 20 but not backwards}{running into my Mission President's wife at the store}{artichoke dip}{deer drives with my silent friend in the front seat}{bed and nap time readings}{identifying the snorer}{girl talk in whispered tones}{tierra's intensity during the 3rd Grader game that we did not succeed at very well}{brownies, post second cooking}{listening, somehow on my own, to the Good Word being taught passionately and somberly}{johnny in CHOCOLATE, how had I not seen that?}{the boys reaction to the girls reaction of johnny in CHOCOLATE}{honesty}{conference tradition cinnamon rolls}{walks in the rain}{all mouth curses to me}{changing sleeping arrangements}{smiling}
1.10.09
Okay
So I use vague terms here. When I refer to CA I could be referring to as many as six different people. When I refer to him I could be referring to as many as five different people. When I refer to home I could be referencing three different places. I've basically created for you a CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE as you can plug in many different names in these stories which could be occurring in a variety of locations and your imagination can just run wild. If you are part of the actual situation you can be grateful that the rest of the world can't identify you.
Today however I have a point, no names will be used but I will be blunt. And first I make this disclaimer: It is that time of the month.
Girls are ridiculous. Yes, I am not exempt from this statement. However in recent days I've found that others are even more ridiculous than I. I have the patience of a four year old in line to see Mickey for the first time so my statement might be a bit early but I do not doubt that the girls will be equally as ridiculous tomorrow or next week.
Why is it that no matter the situation, whether its regarding said HIM or work or family or {you get the idea}, that she feels the need to voice her opinion? If I want an opinion, I'll ask for it specifically. Sure sure sure, it is part of the FRIEND definition that opinions are offered and advise is given but can that not be part of my definition for you? PLEASE!
Thank you.
Today however I have a point, no names will be used but I will be blunt. And first I make this disclaimer: It is that time of the month.
Girls are ridiculous. Yes, I am not exempt from this statement. However in recent days I've found that others are even more ridiculous than I. I have the patience of a four year old in line to see Mickey for the first time so my statement might be a bit early but I do not doubt that the girls will be equally as ridiculous tomorrow or next week.
Why is it that no matter the situation, whether its regarding said HIM or work or family or {you get the idea}, that she feels the need to voice her opinion? If I want an opinion, I'll ask for it specifically. Sure sure sure, it is part of the FRIEND definition that opinions are offered and advise is given but can that not be part of my definition for you? PLEASE!
Thank you.
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