Quarter of Century

Alright ... tomorrow is the big 2-5! I've been saying for the past two and a half months that I am actually 25 for practice but it is officially here. I have thought more about this particular birthday than any other birthday - 'a quarter of century through life ... half way to fifty ... another step closer to thirty and single' ... I needn't continue, you get the point, in fact you've actually made the point to me, so I GET THE POINT, thanks! In the midst of all of this thought you have caused I have discovered much.

It's time to share those discoveries, if only that by making them public I am forcing myself to acknowledge them for longer than the moment I'm living in right now.

1. SPEAK. I have been given a gift, I can talk about all of the non-important things in life for hours, if not days. It is the important things that I clam up about. I have a difficult time giving up information that would make me vulnerable. I have a difficult time responding to information that makes another vulnerable to me. I have a difficult time expressing those emotions that make life more than just minutes but rather moments. BUT NOW - It's time to speak. No regrets.

2. TRUST. I like to have control - SHOCKING! I don't like when people say to me, "Kas (or whatever you choose to address me as), just trust me." It can be in regards to the events of the evening or the events for the next six months. To not have a list, to not have a plan or rather to not have MY list or MY plan ... is something I'm going to become okay with. I can trust other people with more than just an hour of my time. I can trust people with other aspects of life. It's in trusting others that I can build relationships in which I will be able to SPEAK.

3. PRODUCTIVE. A good friend responded to my question in regards to his happiness with this statement "I make myself busy to make myself look happy." I don't want to be forty only looking happy. I want to be happy. I tend to take on the world singlehandedly, not saying I succeed but I most definitely try. But taking on the world isn't happiness. Happiness ... well, that's the fourth and final, this is productivity. I have come to the conclusion that I will chose my activities with more thought, rather than simply saying yes because I can. And when I take on a project, whether work/school/church/political/social, I will use logical judgement to determine the best course of action. I will do more with my all rather than doing less with half the energy because I took on four projects when perhaps I should have simply taken on two. I will not counteract my productivity with productivity - it might not make sense to you but it does make perfect sense to me.

4. HAPPINESS. "We don't need that fairy tale thing right now, we just need a little happy." Happiness is defined individually. Over the past four months I've spent many a sleepless night contemplating happiness, my own and the happiness of those that I care about. And I've come to the not even a little bit original conclusion that ... happiness is found in the simple things. It's not the GRAND acts of life that prove life is dandy, it's the simple things. So I'm going to find, continue finding, happiness in the dirt underneath the fingernails, a night of Jim and Pam, a hand on the small of the back, a look conveying support, tulips in the side yard, tball games, and all other things simple.

So there are a few things on my list that I won't share, they all fall in the subcategories of the above. I have my check list and tomorrow it begins ... I'm turning 25. I'm preparing for all things tomorrow while enjoying every moment today.

Here we go ...

PS - CHECK OUT MARTHA'S BLOG TO THE RIGHT IF YOU ARE IN NEED OF A FUN KASI READING!