Winning

I wanted one thing for the set of Hello Dolly that summer, a staircase. At first I hinted but my tact led quickly away from that manner of behavior to simply stating, multiple times a week, that I wanted a staircase. Victor had no feelings on the matter, he clearly understood the game before it began. The first few times I brought it up he laughed and would say, "No Kas, I win." Then on our way to Milwaukee to pick up a backdrop, he explained {attempting to convince me with his own logic} how it simply was not in the budget nor possible in the time we had remaining to create this dramatic staircase I saw in my mind, ending with "Kas, I win." I ventured a few days later to get him to give in, I pulled out all of the stops. His foot was down, nothing was working ... my 18 year-old mind could not fathom why he was not giving on this. But eventually, three days prior to opening, I accepted and began my pout and whiny stages of this journey.

Then, the morning of our final dress, I went up to the house before heading over to the theater. I walked in past Muffin, sleeping on the kitchen floor {I envied that dog for a moment, the kid production had closed five days earlier and Dolly was going up to an audience the next day and ... I wasn't sleeping much to say in the least}, and made my way downstairs. He had been up for a bit and was working on something. I asked what this creation was. He got this ginormous smile {similar to what you see to the left} on his face and then said, "Kas, you win." WHAT!? My brain wasn't comprehending anything. Then I saw it, A CHANDELIER, created by Adam. Sure, it wasn't my staircase that should have been built weeks before but it was the missing element I had been fighting for, somehow. "Kas, you win."

That is where the game began, as I was granted my first point. THANKS ADAM!!

So I keep score. Is it fair? No but as my Father has always said, "Life isn't fair kiddo." Do I keep score with you, probably. There are a few games in play that are not being played with me but rather in competition for as many of these points as possible. The men in my office are playing this version of the game. To the left of my computer I have a note with each of their names and each day they do what they can to gain a point on this board ~ its incredible what they have come up with as of late. Most games are between me and you. Ace is fighting hard now that he is aware ~ bless his heart, he still doesn't grasp the "Kasi Wins" part of this game. CA and I are laughing hysterically as his favorite phrase as of late has been, "Yes, you win." T is contemplating his points today, trying to decide if he is far enough behind to no longer try or close enough that a towel will put him over the top {I'm not opposed to giving multiple points for dynamic successful adventures}.

Kirst and Dave are actually ahead {along with Jonny} but they are a rare bread that I will likely, even as the 'winner', never catch up to. And Bunk is still earning points for this Halloween costume...

Do you think you're ahead in this game?

Things That Make You Go ... HA!

The men in my office are HILARIOUS!  Let's review why ...

"Maybe you should woman ... down!"
"I go home everyday Kas, that's still fun!"
"If you ever want to turn your bicycle into a tricycle, give me a call {awkward silence} ... "
"So really Kas, pregnant means ... well, pregnant."
"There's a difference between personal happiness and marriage happiness.  I ditched for marriage happiness."
"Not even amnesia can stop a woman's grudge!"
"Kas, if it can't be fixed with sex, it's not worth fixing."
"She's a leaner."

And today's token words as I came {'came' being the calm verb to underplay the slight scream and dance I did} into the office to find a mummy ... "Kas has a lot of issues, one of them being this mummy."

Thanks guys ... you're the best!

SNOW

Today it snowed and I will confess to the world that I loved it.  I needed a fresh start today, I needed to know that things can be laid to rest for a bit and come back bright and happy in five or six {sometimes seven in this chosen state} months.  I needed the reminder that Christmas and home are right around the corner bringing consistent nights of fantastic sleep, late night talks with Grams, laughable debates with Dad, therapeutic moments with Mom, and fun with the siblings and cousins {notice I did not mention the diatribe from the Uncles regarding my years of fertility as I hope this year will be the year they refrain}.  I needed the reminder that the office is merely a place to look out of the window and see the beauty.

 I drove home slowly and found myself in the midst of the canyon {clearly I took some side streets to the detour, I'm becoming more and more my Grandmother with each passing day}.  The snow was falling quickly and encompassing the world.  I pulled off to the side of the road and let my mind go to all of the places I would not let it go to during my time in the office today.  With this beautiful snow surrounding me I thought and then thought some more.  My mind went back to the talk I listened to while getting ready this morning, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf's talk from this past conference {I needed a bit of extra love this morning and his voice is as soothing as they come}.  I am so grateful for the morning reminder of what is truly important and the happy place I found replaying his words in my mind as I sat midst the snow.  I then started to count all of the wonderful things in my life ... I pulled out my handy card pen,  normally reserved for Hallmarks, and a trusty standby envelope {yes, I have those} that takes room in my center console and made my list.  It is long and I am undeserving of such an abundance of blessings.  

Then words from President Uchtdorf came dancing through my mind, "Though (you) are incomplete, God loves (you) completely." This is not new information but it found a safer place in my heart today.  I sat, smiling, looking as the dark world was covered in this beautiful blanket of whiteness.  Life is good and here are just a few of my reasons why ...


... Google Document Sharing
... Texts from Dad
... Sunday night Poe Readings
... Snow
... Flannel Sheets
... Jose
... Standing on Furniture
... Buba reading texts and keeping his mouth shut
... Falling Asleep on the LoveSac
... Snow
... Bathroom Talks
... Voicemails
... New Babies {Miche, I'm SO DANG EXCITED}
... Snorts
... Gunnison Boys Memories

... Snow


... Did I mention snow?  I love it!  Happy Winter!!

Falling for Me

This past week has proven quite an exciting one. With changes at work {my favorite change}, haunted dates leading to no sleep, long talks with my couple crushes about my life and love {to be posted about soon}, leaves, leaves, and lots of fun in leaves, standing on desks {in several locals} ... ect. ect. ect.Today I proved to myself that there is always one more thing I can do to add to the adventures of my little 7 day segments. Here is the play-by-play:

As I sat in the first hour of meetings this morning, in my cute leather jacket that I had just re-found only seconds before leaving the house {YAY! FOR REFINDING SUCH TREASURES}, I found my mind drifting a bit easier than usual but thought nothing of it. As we stood for the rest hymn it took me a moment to blink our chorister into focus but I managed and chalked it up to my consistent lack of sleep, making mental note that I should pop a pill and get some of that life giving stuff this evening.

During the second hour I found myself in and out of focus, which is normal when the teaching is a bit sub-standard but the teacher of today's lesson was brilliant and I was intrigued when I could keep up. I turned to my friend ~ bless his heart for joining me at Church today! ~ to make a comment but had forgotten what I was going to say prior to opening my mouth. "Kas, you okay?" I nodded, not paying attention to his concerned face. It took me two minutes to write a seven word note, indicating that I had to leave early to listen to a friend speak.

As I stood he grabbed my hand, shocking me as we are not hand grabbing friends, and that is the last thing that I remember. I HAD PASSED OUT. The next thing I remember was T over me, "Kas, Kas, Kas ... " There he was right above me, his voice the only in the room. My thoughts: Why in the heck {Sunday appropriate language obviously} is T about to kiss me in the middle of Sunday School? My knee hurts? Did I fall? Wait, did I eat breakfast? DAG BLASTIT, I did not eat breakfast. Wait, is the teacher not talking? My ankle hurts a bit. T, back off, I can't stand if you are hovering over my face! Oh, {reaching down to be certain that my universal underwear was not being shared with the room} thank goodness for graceful and modest falling! Although, I've never been graceful so perhaps I should thank T for keeping his friend modest. "Kasi?"

I then stood, noticed the road-rash on my knee {the Church loves that ultra-soft carpet}, took T's hand without questioning the fact that we had moved quickly into hand-grabbing-modesty-lending-support-offering friends. I laughed as we made the few steps to the door, allowing the room to laugh as well, because clearly they were waiting for some type of indication that this should happen as they sat in absolute silence watching the new girl and her friend leave the room, laughter quickly consumed the awkward silence.
We made it out into the hall and I told T that I just needed to eat, dang that hypoglycemia and my mindlessness in the morning. He was a bit more concerned than necessary, bless his heart, and insisted that he and D drive me to the chapel allowing me to eat as we drove and have my car. After a 'joyful' second sacrament meeting {in large part due to the speaker and choir but also due to the fact that I had a bit of healthy sugar inside of me} I went back out to the car and found D and T still there ... bless their hearts.
I chastised them as only they deserved only to hear, "Kas, you can't fall for anyone but you certainly fall for you pretty well!" They had worked on that the whole hour I found myself in the building ... so to you D and T: HAHAHA! To me: Eat breakfast. To the rest of the world: laugh! It was HILARIOUS!

PRECIACHA

Several years ago, as I proudly wore my KASI name tag on my bright orange EFY Counselor Polo, I was taught the word 'PRECIACHA' {known to the outside world at I APPRECIATE YOU}.  However, if said in a slightly nasally tone with a tongue click prior to the sentence, you sound fresh off the Bountiful Hills ~ and I say this with love as I clicked this week and have likely used 'PRECIACHA' in everyday language more times than I care to admit. 

As I end this day however there are certain people who deserve a loving and Hallmark inspiring 'PRECIACHA'

CA: {For taking my calls even after my outbursts}{For taking my calls at ridiculous hours}{For reminding me of the logical facts no matter my hideous excuses on the other end of the line}{For reminding me that its not all about me, at least right now}
HC: {For laughing and crying at the appropriate moments}
AS: {For letting me love your plans even though you did not}{For the reality of 'wasting pretty' ~ to be blogged about at a normal hour}

Yep.  I learned a bit in the last 24 hours. For example, Syd is the fastest and loudest at the downtown library and Tyson can pull off a fabulous PeterPan.  But my favorite piece of information was this fact stated about me at 4:00 in the morning as we sat in the car in the driveway: "Kas {and that was the proper name as things had been cleared up}, you are a dating machine and a kissing feen {which clearly I don't know how to spell even slightly as no correct words are even an option in spellcheck}."  Yep, there you have it ladies and gentleman ~ after everything ... now you know. 

Wait ... I Know You

Late last night after watching FlashFoward I realized this ...

Joe is Mark

          and

                   Mark is Joe








And that fact

        Made me smile

Blinding

I usually make faces when I hear words like this, "Kasi, he's great.  Just pick up the phone when he calls," or "We knew the first time we met him that he could handle you Marsha."  I don't try to hide the hesitation nor do I filter my thoughts. "No thank you ... I'm sure he'll find someone without your help ... I enjoy my random hookups with people you don't know and would like to keep it that way" and so on and so forth.

I made no exception about a month ago when this dude {because I'm throwing myself back into my So Cal talk for this evening} was brought up.  I said what I needed to divert the conversation and was successful.  So when my phone rang the next night with an unknown number I assumed as I normally do that it was one of my three International Travelers and answered with the happy tone, as there are several different tones {which Cassidy and Eli are best at identifying} I pick up the phone in.  It was not one deserving of said tone, it was Blind Date.  He was charming, as was told to me in the few 'Sell Him' moments I let my friends indulge in the night before.  I might have giggled like a girl once in the conversation and I found myself agreeing to his offer.

First date, in spite of where my mind might have been prior to, was fine.  Second date, WOW.  The man cheated.  I'm not quite certain how I feel about it as my feelings as of late have been ... well ... yep ... right ... for the most part ... exactly!  But I've got to give the guy credit, he did his research {explaining the high archive hit earlier this week}.  We started at Paradise, literally, for some soup. Then we simply drove up Sardine. 

I don't think I've ever been driven so slowly through that canyon, it was far from the glory days of arm rest shredding in the jeep, but much more enjoyable.  The colors were amazing and as the sun went down the beams of light hit in such an amazing manner, I had no words just pleasant 'hmms' and 'ahhs'.  I was content as we drove in silence, he was a bit uncomfortable with it as made evident by his constant glances and awkward throat clearing and I attempted for a minute to rejuvenate the conversation for him but I just found myself distracted by the beautiful earth outside the windows.  We stopped and walked for a bit, the crunch of the leaves wasn't quite as crisp as rain had fallen recently but it was still enough to smile and take that mental picture.

The point I am trying to make in a 'short story long' kind of way is simply this ... he clearly knew where to take me.  Between his time on the blog {which was also made clear as he brought things up that I had not discussed with him at any point and time} and his time probing our mutual friends {which they have confessed to}the man knew how to charm this girl.  I've got to give credit where credit is due and to this man I say, well done.* 

*I can't say more because, as previously stated, he reads the blog.

Awake

I haven't had a nightmare in a long time, since this one actually.  Last week I was woken up by snores, no dreaming, but was able to fall back to sleep promptly.  Tonight, I am awake {WIDE AWAKE}.

There are some dreams that you know are dreams as you are experiencing them, you will yourself to stay asleep, you will yourself to stay in the middle of the goodness that your subconscious has created.  This was not that dream.  The chapel was real, the conversations were real, and scent of the flowers was real {no, it was not a nightmare because there were flowers}.  The gathering was familiar and common, minus one.  It was real, it was happening and I could not pinch myself or will myself awake to get out of it. 

As we sat down, in those ridiculous front pews, I looked to my right and saw Mom.  I looked to my left and saw each of my siblings with their spouses, Buba was holding a little baby girl.  Each of them stood up and walked to the pulpit at their respective time and said something, what they felt was necessary.  Within the first few minutes Cowboy came up and sat with me, I turned to whisper a thanks to Robs.  The minutes seemed drag, I counted the crevices on the bottom of Cowboy's brown shoe.  It was my turn.  I stood and began to walk forward, stood before the room and took in the picture.  Stace and Brandon were there with three little ones, Adam was sitting with Richard and the Costabiles, Becky Millar, Brad and Markell, Dave and Kirsten, Wayne and Lisa, Sorensen and Chad plus two, Rich and Anne, Rich and Cheryl, Denny and Sara, Mark and Debbie, Janet and David and all of the kids. And then I saw the ones that I had wished would be there but couldn't have expected ... everyone was accounted for that I needed there.  I then scanned the rows directly infront of me, everyone was a bit older.  Gramps still wore the glasses although they sat a bit heavier on that nose he gave to each of us, Grams was sporting a lighter hair color.  Cowboy had gone back to sit with Girlfriend and Robs. Aunt Betty, outliving us all apparently, sat tall.  Uncle Max looked a bit older. Aunt Charma sat with hands outstretched, one to Sammy and the other to Mac.  The J cousins sat, the eldest being entertained by a newborn while the younger two sat entranced by Megan, her mom allowing the distraction as she held tight to John's hand.  Uncle Matt looked more like Grandpa than I remember from just a few weeks ago, sitting with Aunt Laurel.  Grandma and Grandpa French sat close to one another.  His brothers, each of them resembling him more than I ever remember, sat perfectly still.  I spoke, I don't remember what I said but I do remember I did not cry.

As I went to sit back down I paused for a moment as Mom passed and quickly squeezed my right hand.  It was at this moment I saw for the first time the corsage she wore, with that single lily he always chooses.  I saw one on me, one on Brianna and each of my sisters-in-law.  I heard Mom's voice but cannot recall her words.  I turned hoping to finagle my niece from Buba but they were no longer there.  As I turned behind me, to Robs and the kiddos, I found no one.  The front pews were empty.  I turned to the front again, Mom was gone as were Mark and Wayne, who had been sitting up on the stand.  I stood now, alone in an empty room. The panic was real.  I ran, in heels mind you {when do I wear heels?}, searching but everyone was gone.  I could not find my family, I screamed the rollcall I had heard so many times on those summer mornings in the crowded house on Park as Gramps would wake us for rehearsal.  I tried for the next constant and screamed for Adam, I saw a beaded chandelier but no boy in the star hat.  I called out for everyone and with each scream I paused, waiting for a response but heard nothing ...

Then I woke up.  So yes, I'm awake.  I'm not Grandma Phyllis, I have not been watching FlashForward, this was a nightmare and nothing more.  But I'm still awake, which was not the plan.  Yes, there is a logical explanation for this I'm certain but it is eluding me at this particular moment.  I sleep better in Salt Lake or even in Park City, when did that happen?

Repeat

Remember this day?  Yep, its another one of those days.  I had intentions of being down in Provo again but made it to the Point of the Mountain and stayed.  I'm grateful for friends who drive north, thinking I'd be there and returning south with a {Get Well Kit}.  I'm grateful for brothers who drive north to offer time and service and company to the whiny sister.  I'm grateful for rescheduling of events {point in his favor as he was not grouchy with rescheduling of such}.   I'm grateful for Jane Austin and her constant companionship during this time.

In other news ... It's been two years since I moved to Utah from sunny California.  This shall be the subject of my next post ~ I'm tired and ornery and not in the best mood to write on this now and if I had to make a decision would pack my bags and move to Huntington tomorrow but that's just because colds don't prosper in said climate.

Fall is Here in the Form of Winter

I am not partial to any season as I am in love with them all upon their first appearance each year.  The first day of Spring {as the light jacket is worn for the first time and the blossoms are sprouting, a perfect day for SWING time with an orange in hand}.  The first day of Summer {as the shorts and tshirts are worn for the first time and the sky is perfectly clear and the air warm, a perfect day for a leisurely walk along the shore with a COKE in hand}.  The first day of Fall {as the jacket and sweaters are worn for the first time and the leaves begin to turn to the bright shades, a perfect day for a walk in the park or a drive through the canyon with a Pumpkin Spice Milk Steamer in hand}.  The first day of Winter {as the scarves, gloves, and beanies are worn for the first time and the snow hits the tops of the mountains, a perfect day for a fire in the fireplace after a long snow ball fight and hot chocolate in hand}.  I love all four seasons, which is perhaps why California gets a bit dreary for me in the winter and Alaska is ridiculous thought at any point in the year.  So ...

... FALL, where have you gone?!?  Stand firm against Winter, she's tough ~ I know ~ but you have a right, a greater right, to be here right now.  I am a giddy girl at the first snow but I will not recognize the snow in Park City this weekend as such, it was fake.  I want the crunchy noises as I walk on the leaves, the laughter of those last few nights that can be spent outside without frozen nose hairs, the brisk morning air without de-icing my windows.  Fall, I'm counting on you to win this fight ~ I'm behind you for at least the next month and a half.

Yes, it snowed in Park City this weekend and I was there to walk in it, drive in it, and drive out of it through Parley's.  Inside of the beautiful home that M&M rented for the weekend there were games, laughter, a bit of interesting behavior, and more laughter.  I realized, standing next to my favorite M in the kitchen, that I am a bit more sheltered than I thought myself to be, and truth be told, I'm absolutely okay with that.

Fun and favorite moments include but not limited to {counting to 20 but not backwards}{running into my Mission President's wife at the store}{artichoke dip}{deer drives with my silent friend in the front seat}{bed and nap time readings}{identifying the snorer}{girl talk in whispered tones}{tierra's intensity during the 3rd Grader game that we did not succeed at very well}{brownies, post second cooking}{listening, somehow on my own, to the Good Word being taught passionately and somberly}{johnny in CHOCOLATE, how had I not seen that?}{the boys reaction to the girls reaction of johnny in CHOCOLATE}{honesty}{conference tradition cinnamon rolls}{walks in the rain}{all mouth curses to me}{changing sleeping arrangements}{smiling}

Okay

So I use vague terms here. When I refer to CA I could be referring to as many as six different people. When I refer to him I could be referring to as many as five different people. When I refer to home I could be referencing three different places. I've basically created for you a CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE as you can plug in many different names in these stories which could be occurring in a variety of locations and your imagination can just run wild. If you are part of the actual situation you can be grateful that the rest of the world can't identify you.

Today however I have a point, no names will be used but I will be blunt. And first I make this disclaimer: It is that time of the month.

Girls are ridiculous. Yes, I am not exempt from this statement. However in recent days I've found that others are even more ridiculous than I. I have the patience of a four year old in line to see Mickey for the first time so my statement might be a bit early but I do not doubt that the girls will be equally as ridiculous tomorrow or next week.

Why is it that no matter the situation, whether its regarding said HIM or work or family or {you get the idea}, that she feels the need to voice her opinion? If I want an opinion, I'll ask for it specifically. Sure sure sure, it is part of the FRIEND definition that opinions are offered and advise is given but can that not be part of my definition for you? PLEASE!

Thank you.